


Escape. - {y.kh × k.th}

by smoshyphantrash



Series: Escape... Restart... [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Bottom Yoo Kihyun, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Top Kim Taehyung | V, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 20:55:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 31,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13888977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smoshyphantrash/pseuds/smoshyphantrash
Summary: Kihyun barely knew anything about Kim Taehyung and here he finds himself, falling into his clutches with every romantic gesture. There was something that kept him crawling back for more and he didn't understand what it was. Whatever it was, why was that one thing more important than Kihyun's health, well-being... his life?STARTED: March 6th, 2018ENDED: June 5th, 2018





	1. one touch

I was just a man in a bar, drinking leisurely. He was just a man approaching another man in a bar, clearly with the intentions of taking him home. Obviously, it worked. I went with him. It only took this one burning touch to ignite a fire I wouldn't be able to easily quench...

This was about six months ago. The first month was the beautiful honeymoon month. The second was the meciocre honeymoon. The third month and up to this point was nothing but arguments and physical altercations. Taehyung was an angel to the world, the devil to me.

What hadn't Kim Taehyung done at this point was the real question. Today, he was okay. I didn't understand him as much as I expected to. It was a cycle:

-get angry over the smallest little thing  
-hurt me in any way he deemed fit after I try to defend myself  
-continues to hurt me until he catches himself going too far  
-apologizes immensely  
-makes it up to me  
-repeat

It was a never ending pattern. A pattern I allowed myself to stay victim to. 

Today, he was making it up to me. It was only a matter of time before Taehyung lost his shit again. He was a ticking time bomb. I just couldn't see the time or defuse the wires. Something just told me today would be the day he'd press replay. 

My anxiety shot up through my body, stopping my heart for a moment when I heard Taehyung open the door. I was in the kitchen, cleaning up. Being the perfect little unmarried, male housewife to a 22 year old at the ripe age of 24 years old. Doing my typical thing. Cook, clean, make love. That's what my job description was. At this point in time, I no longer felt like I was working at a relationship. I felt like I was working a job.

Despite all of this, I felt a bit of relief knowing it was Taehyung's voice I was hearing. For six months, it's never been a random voice. Never a voice I hadn't gotten used to. At least that part of my life was consistent. The front door shut, footsteps clicked their way into the kitchen. "Hey baby," Taehyung smiled, holding onto my waist. He planted a kiss by my ear, dragging more kisses down my neck. I bit my lip. I was too tired to do this. Too tired to enjoy the calm before the storm. Too tired to make the best of that calm. I knew I'd pay later. I shrugged Taehyung off a little bit. Not like it phased him that I didn't want his touch. Not right now.

"Hey," I mumbled, continuing to wash dishes. Taehyung let me go as I moved under the sink to get more dish soap. 

Taehyung smiled, putting a Citizen box on the counter. "I picked you up a little something on the way home, Kihyun." I looked at the box and nodded ever so slightly. "Come on, look at it." Taehyung was trying to hide behind a bit of aegyo. It wasn't working. I knew the moment I shared more disinterest, his streak of three days of mercy would come to a screeching halt.

I turned off the water to the sink and grabbed a drying towel. I took a deep breath, opening it up. It was a limited edition watch. I could tell it was very expensive. And as of right now, I was too humble and felt too undeserving of something so extravagant. I shook my head. "Taehyung... It's beautiful." I closed the box setting it in front of him. "But I can't accept this. Please, take it back? Or wear it yourself."

Taehyung scoffed. "Kihyun, do you understand how much money you're touching right there? Do you?" It felt as if he was insulting my intelligence. But it's not like I already felt intelligent.

"Not exactly," I mumbled, looking down.

Taehyung picked my face up to look him in the eye. "Try 6,384,840￦, Kihyun. Do you know how expensive that is in USD?" I shook my head, not ever bothering with learning currency conversions. I didn't ever need to know that. Taehyung only knew because he was a big, booming business man. Corporate CEO. He most definitely could afford to put down 6,384,840￦ on a trinket accessory. "That's a $6,000 dollar watch you're ignoring. At least learn to be a bit grateful for shit, you cunt." I nodded a bit.

I didn't know what to do or say. I didn't feel deserving. "Taehyung, I just don't feel the best today," I sighed. "I meant no disrespect to you and your kind gesture." I turned back to the dishes, hoping to appease the demon wanting to come out.

"Whether you meant it or not," Taehyung grabbed my face rougher than before, causing my neck to pop. I whimpered a bit in pain, his grip hurt. "You fucking did disrespect me. And as you know, Kihyun..." His hand fell off my face, trailing to my neck. He tightened his grasp, single-handedly choking me. It wasn't to the point of losing all consciousness, but enough to hurt and take my breath away. "Daddy doesn't like being disrespected now does he?" I shook my head, unable to speak. Tae dropped his hand. "You say you don't feel well. What am I supposed to do to help that?" He made it sound like it was a burden and an impossible thing for him to do.

I looked away from him for a second, trying to figure out how to word this. "Can I go visit my friend? I haven't seen him in a few weeks and last time we left off, he was going through a tough time. I haven't been the best friend he claims I am. So, please?" Most of that was a lie. I hadn't seen him in a month and a half. I remember the date as well, June 6th. It was August 20th today. That was around the time Taehyung started to control who I could and couldn't see. That was when I had to ask permission to go anywhere. I don't know how it got to that, but it did. At the simple wave of the hand, I dried my last dish and held my hand out for my car key. Did you know he had control over that too?

As I stepped outside into the fresh summery autumn-like air, I felt myself able to breathe for a few moments. It was when I got in my car that I felt just a bit happier. The world was so much brighter than I'd every really noticed. I was able to forget for the time it took to commute to my best friend, Minhyuk's house. 

When I arrived, I got out and ran up to Minhyuk's door, knocking gently. When the door opened up, Minhyuk greeted me with open arms. Before I reciprocated anything, I looked behind my shoulder, scanning the streets. "Hey," Minhyuk sighed, pulling my attention back to him. "You're safe here. Come inside." I nodded and followed him inside, trusting him deeply. It was good to not worry about Taehyung. At least for a few hours.


	2. two friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mental breakdowns and abusive tendencies lie ahead

"Why haven't you been by lately, Kihyun?" Minhyuk asked, pulling me into a tight hug. Now that were in the security if his home, I felt that I could hug him back. I could almost hear the frown on his face now that I finally did hug Minhyuk back. "And why are you shaking so much? You're okay, why are you scared to see me?"

I shook my head, hiding the deep seeded fear that Taehyung put in my head. "I'm not scared." I shrugged and drew circles in Minhyuk's back. It was one of my coping mechanisms. "I'm like a happy chihuahua, don't they shake when they're overjoyed?" I expected to divert his attention just a bit.

Then again, Minhyuk is nosy as fuck and not without good reason. He pulled out of the hug. "I'm sure chihuahuas shake all the time." I looked down, still mentally stuck at home. "Don't look down in front of me... Kihyun what's wrong with you?" Minhyuk lifted my head and gasped a bit.

"What?" I asked.

Minhyuk pushed my jacket off of me and held the neck of my t-shirt down. "Your neck... Your chin. Kihyun, what are you not telling me?"

I had to think fast. "Taehyung just came home. We greeted each other with a quickie." I shrugged. I wonder if the lie was bursting through my straight face. Or if I was hiding but Minhyuk was too damn smart.

"A quickie in what? Because those aren't love bites..." Minhyuk examined me closer, pushing on what was one of the darker spots. I groaned in pain and jumped back a bit. "What is Taehyung doing to you, Kihyun? You can't lie to me. Come on, you can trust me." This felt like too much and I didn't know what to do or where to turn. I knew Minhyuk was standing right in front of me. I knew I could speak up. But at the same time, I wasn't dying where I was. I didn't want to risk dying by telling someone. 

I shook my head. "Nothing!" I chuckled. "It's like you, of all people, don't know what a kink is." 

Minhyuk became equally sarcatic. "Me, of all people, know what's safe and sane and what's not. That? Isn't safe or sane. I doubt it was even consensual." He folded his arms.

Defensiveness came to play. "What, do you think Taehyung came home and just did what he wanted with me?" I laughed a bit. I didn't understand why I was so defensive and enabling Taehyung. If I hated this so much, why was I hellbent on protecting him?

"Honestly?" Minhyuk asked. "Yes. Maybe not with sex, but he obviously put his hands on you Kihyun. I'm really not an idiot no matter how much I act like it." I nodded, anger rising. I wanted it to go away. I don't want to be angry. I want to be sad and be able to feel the pain when I'm away from him, able to show it. "And you're not a genius no matter how much you act like it. Yoo Kihyun, why are you letting this happen to you?"

After he said my name, Minhyuk's voice rose and it scared me so much, I actually jumped and took a step backward. He doesn't raise his voice. And considering who I'm with, I really don't appreciate the loud noises. "Stop," I mumbled as I held onto myself, taking steps backwards. I didn't know what Minhyuk was going to do.

Minhyuk's tone and body language softened. "Hey, hey..." Minhyuk walked my way and the only thing I could think to do was make myself smaller by sinking to the floor. I could protect my core like that too. "Kihyun..." I shook my head. I was scared of my best friend. I never ever had to fear him, he was as harmless as a fly. "Come on, you gotta tell me something. I won't say a word unless death is being threatened against you. Please. You can trust me..."

I placed my head in my hands, feeling the tears start to fall. "I didn't call because he doesn't trust me with you. He thinks you'll win me over just because you've known me longer and just because you're my best friend. When we hung out at your house the last time, he didn't wait for the engine to even start before he..." I shook my head crying. I was terrified of talking. I didn't want to finish my sentence. "Before he slapped me. Before he started insulting me. Calling me a slut and a whore." Minhyuk sat down next to me. "I don't know why it hurts to be called something you're not even when you know it's not true. You even know, I was a virgin until I met him. Since then, when would I have had time to sleep around?" I wiped my tears away.

"That's not all, is it?" Minhyuk asked.

I shook my head. "But it'll do for now." I didn't tell him about the time dinner wasn't to his standards. That was one if the worst outbursts. I don't think Minhyuk really noticed me wearing a long sleeve shirt in summer. If he didn't, then he certainly didn't need to know about what was under it. "Look at me, crying... Being a little bitch." Minhyuk furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm supposed to be a man. What man can't stand up for himself?"

Minhyuk chuckled a little bit. "Honey, if you were going for the stereotypical male image, you wouldn't be with Taehyung to begin with." Minhyuk ran his hand over my eyes, wiping away the tears. "Here. Let's put ice on your neck." Minhyuk jumped up and held his hand out for me.

I got up and headed to the bathroom to wash my face a bit. When I pushed up my sleeve, I took a good look at them. Shiny pink blotches at the top of ny forearm. At first glance, it seems like eczema. Then you get closer and you can see the obvious burn scars. Sometimes the scars still hurt. 

Minhyuk came upstairs to find me and I hadn't noticed him. "What's that, Kihyun?" He asked, grabbing my arm.

I ripped my arm away, moving toward mental breakdown number two. "Goddamn it, can't I keep a fucking secret?" I kicked the sink cabinet before leaning over the sink, crying once again. 

"You aren't supposed to keep these secrets... It's bad enough they happen, it's more damaging to hide it. Why do you hide it?" Minhyuk pulled my sleeves down, handing me a ice pack.

I shrugged. "I'm not alone at night anymore. I've got someone who's with me."

Minhyuk shook his head. "You've got someone, but not the right someone." He tended to my chin as he talked. "He even cut your chin with his nail a bit here... The right someone wouldn't put their hands on you like this. The right someone wouldn't be with you just because you broke and had sex with them on the first date." He didn't have to say that. It was bad enough I disappointed myself with having done that.

"You've had first date sex plenty of times, so why does the one time I ever do it fucking matter?" I snapped at him, making him realize what he'd said.

Minhyuk immediately went to apologizing. "I'm sorry, that came out in one of the worst ways it could have." If only Taehyung could do that. "What I meant was, the right someone is not someone who's with you because they think you're easy."

Why did it seem like Minhyuk was only trying to hurt me more? "Is that what you think of me? That... That I'm easy?" Whatever his lesson was, it was being lost in a very harsh translation.

"No, Kihyun," Minhyuk sighed. "But Taehyung might. He easily got you in bed on date one. He easily wooed you and swept you off your feet. He easily got you to do anything he wanted and now he's easily gained control over you." Minhyuk finished with my chin and almost simultaneously, my phone rang.

I grabbed it out of my pocket and gasped. It was almost ten o'clock and Taehyung was calling me. I answered it, not wanting to piss him off more. "Where the absolute fuck are you?!" Taehyung yelled. Even though he was on the phone, he was so intimidating. I jumped a bit and the tears started falling. Minhyuk pulled me into him, holding my waist. I was shaking profusely. "Answer me!"

I started to stutter. "I-I fell asleep over here. I d-didn't know what time it was. I'm leaving now." Minhyuk tightened his grip on me. I shook my head. He wanted me to stay. I couldn't and we both knew it.

"You're in so much fucking trouble when you get home. Don't think about sleeping, you did that enough, away from where the fuck you're supposed to be." I sniffled, nodding even though he couldn't see me. "And you better not be fucking crying when you get here. Or after you get here."

I opened my mouth to speak and Taehyung hung up on me. I huffed out a choked sob, holding onto Minhyuk's arms. I began to go weak in my knees. I wanted to fall down and crumble again. My mouth fell open as I tried to let out a cry. "Oh God!" I cried, leaning forward. I began hyperventilating. "I-I, oh my God. Minhyuk... I fucked up." I screamed.

"Shhh, Kihyun..." Minhyuk allowed me to fall, falling to the floor with me. "You don't have to go." 

I nodded. "I have to go home..." Soon enough the tears ceased. I was going numb as a mental preparation for what I was about to endure.

Minhyuk loosened his grip on me. "That's not your home. Your home is with me." I shook my head. "Your home is whereve I am. And you can always come home. But please, take care of yourself, Kihyunnie." He helped me up and I nodded, heading downstairs. I grabbed my keys and my wallet, saying goodbye.

I got in my car, pulling out of the driveway like a bat out of hell. My car system chimed. "New Message from My Lover." A tear dropped as I heard my contact name for Taehyung. What was love? I don't think this is what a lover does. 

"Read message." I said, turning onto the highway.

"Message from My Lover at 9:53PM.

Give me your phone and your keys when you get home. As soon as you get home, you better be starting to strip. You're ungrateful Kihyun and I will ruin you for this. 

End of message."

I nodded, driving on the busy freeway going home. For a moment, I thought of what it would be like to turn out all of my lights and drive in the lane farther than my far left. The thoughts almost made me miss my exit. 

As soon as I walked in the door, Taehyung was there, throwing me into the door. I hit my back on the knob. What I've learned in three months is to not react to it. "Give me your phone and keys. Now." I did as he asked. Taehyung turned around and smashed my phone.

Normally, I didn't react. "Tae... There were pictures on here that I never backed up..."

Taehyung snickered a bit before full on punching me in the face. I hit my head on the door before falling forward, holding my face. "Like what?" Taehyung picked his foot up and let it swing into my side.

I wheezed a breath out. "M-My sister..." Everything fell quiet except for my harsh breathing. "I... I was making a video of her. For my niece." Taehyung knew that he went too far with that one. 

"Kihyun, I-" I shook my head, sitting up and wiping my face. Of course I was bleeding. My hands fell to my first button on my shirt. "No, no, baby stop." Taehyung took my hands away from my shirt. "Not tonight, sweetheart I'm sorry. I overreacted. Let me help clean you up. Then we can go to bed okay?"

I nodded my head, sniffling as tears started to fall again. I thought I turned them off. Taehyung helped me up the stairs, sending me to the bathroom as he went to our room to get me new clothes. I wasn't sure how long I could take this. I should've stayed with Minhyuk tonight. I should've gone home.


	3. three years old

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suicide attempt  
> Drug abuse

Later on, around one or two in the morning, I woke up to a house call from my brother-in-law. "Wonho, it is too early in the morning. You're gonna wake Tae up. What's up?" 

I turned the lights on when the voice on the other end wasn't a man's voice. "Kihyunnie?" My heart dropped. "I did not know who t'call, so I call you." My niece, Jihyun was calling me. That would've been sweet if it were one or two in the afternoon. 

"Hey, sweetheart. Why are you up?" I asked, softly.

I heard Jihyun hum for a bit. "I had a bad dream..."

I gasped softly, aiming to get her to talk more. "You did?"

She mumbled something in agreement. "But I don't think I wake up. I call you to wake me up." For a three year old, her vocabulary was spectacular, even if it wasn't perfect and broken up.

"What's going on, honey?" I shoved Taehyung, not worrying about what he'd do to me for waking him up.

"I don't know." Taehyung looked at me, pissed off. I looked back at him and he saw the concern in my face.

Taehyung began to feel me up to distract me. It was making it hard for me to talk to her. "Well, Jihyun, why are you using Daddy's phone? Where's Daddy?" I asked, pushing Taehyung's hand away from me and standing up.

Jihyun sounded concerned, yet calm. "I wanted to wake him up. And sleep in there. But he didn't wake up." 

I took a deep breath. I was about to coach a little girl through the process of getting her half dead parent to a hospital. "Jihyun, don't panic okay? I want you to pick up the other phone that's on Daddy's nightstand." I got up and began getting dressed. "You have it right?" Jihyun confirmed. "Okay, now I want you to press 1-1-9. Say it with me as you press okay? I know you know your numbers. 1... 1 again... 9. Okay, baby girl, dial it." I grabbed my jacket and searched for my keys. "Tae, I need my keys."

Taehyung scoffed, "Why?"

I wanted to scream but I couldn't. "Because my three year old niece is in her home with a father who won't wake up." He was pissing me off a lot. 

"Prove it." I wanted to suffocate him. It wouldn't kill him to let loose for this one moment.

I put the house phone on speaker. "Kihyunnie? There's a woman on the phone..."

I leaned into the phone. "That's okay sweetie, she's supposed to pick up. Tell her what you told me. It's okay." Taehyung looked at me, still being a cynical asshole.

"Hi, uhm. My daddy no wake up... I'm really scared. I called my uncle first, was that wrong?" Taehyung finally believed me and gave me my keys. 

I sighed, knowing I had to hang up on her. "Baby girl, tell the lady that your uncle is going to meet you at the hospital. That I'll be waiting for you okay? I have to go, my phone's not working and I can't take this one with me." Jihyun understood and I hung up. "You, Kim Taehyung, are fucking despicable."

Taehyung followed me downstairs. "Excuse me?" He asked.

"You heard me. Wonho's most likely dead and I have to go claim custody of my niece. I'm her fucking godfather." I was pissed off. "You can taunt me and torment me at a different fucking time. Not when my niece is alone and witnessing her father die in his sleep." With that, I stormed out and left the house. 

I got in my car and hauled ass to the hospital, beating the ambulance there. Anxiety was rushing through me as I waited for them. Wonho couldn't be dead. Not after everything him and Jihyun have gone through. "25 year old male, found unconcious by 3 year old daughter, cause currently unknown, 5 minutes out!" A doctor warned others as they ran outside to meet the ambulance.

Within five minutes, a paramedic came in with Jihyun holding their hand. They let her go and she ran to me. "Hi, muffin!" I smiled, hugging her tightly. "Listen to me, are you scared?" Jihyun nodded her head quickly but she hadn't shed one tear yet. "I know you are. You aren't the only one. But you did so good, you know that?" Jihyun nodded sleepily. I picked her up and she fell asleep in my arms almost instantly. 

"Sir?" A doctor came up to me about an hour later. "A social worker is on the way."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "For what?" I covered Jihyun's ears just in case she woke up. "Is he dead?" The doctor shook her head.

She pulled up Wonho's chart. "Tox screen labs indicate high levels of methamphetamine, diamorphen, crack cocaine, acetaminophen, and alcohol."

My jaw dropped slightly. "Can you dumb that down just a little bit? I don't know what some of those are." She nodded.

"High levels of meth, heroin, cocaine, Zydone, which is a painkiller, and alcohol." I sighed softly. I don't know how I didn't see it or expect it. He was depressed. Suicidal.

I looked down at the sleeping girl in my arms. "How could someone leave an innocent little baby like that?" I was prepared to accept the fact that the social worker was coming, but then I freaked out a bit. "What's the social worker gonna do? Are they gonna place her in foster care?" I couldn't let that happen. "Because I'm her godfather as well as her uncle."

The doctor shrugged. "I'm not too sure about that. From cases I've seen, they place the child in a temporary foster home while the next guardian goes through a background check and assumes full legal custody agreements between them and the court system and proves that they can raise the child..." All of that made my head spin. And what was worse is I didn't know how I could exactly prove that I could take care of her. Usually, if you're in a relationship with your same sex here, that's strike one. Being in an abusive relationship is strike two. I didn't need a strike three.

I thanked the doctor and soon enough the social worker came to visit with me. "Hello, I'm Chae Hyungwon, I'm the social worker taking care of this case." I smiled at him and readjusted Jihyun in my lap. "So, her father is here for a suicide attempt?" 

"Yes..." I sighed a bit.

While meeting with the social worker, Minhyuk walked in, meeting us. "Hey, I heard about Wonho... I wanted to make sure you all were alright?"

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Who woke you up to tell you?" I asked.

"Taehyung." Minhyuk came and sat on the couch with me. "Here, lemme see her." Minhyuk took Jihyun out of my arms and she stirred ever so slightly.

Hyungwon wrote a few things down. "So, Wonho attempted suicide and as for her mother?" I felt my body tense up.

I didn't want to talk about it. I hadn't talked about it except to Minhyuk and Taehyung. No one else knew about what happened. But, I had gotten to the point of being able to talk about it without crying. "Her mother, Seohyun, was very ill when she got pregnant with Jihyun. She and Wonho didn't think they'd have children as having children could possibly kill her." I looked down Jihyun and smiled. "In fact, Wonho gave her an international name. Mira. It means miracle. Seohyun was pregnant with twins. When she gave birth to Jihyun, the second girl was stuck. It caused so much stress for the both of them. Seohyun started to panic like any mother would and she pretty much had a heart attack and never woke up. She died in childbirth and they had to try to deliver the second child by C-Section. But obviously once Mom dies, so does baby. Wonho's been single since, raising Jihyun by himself, making ends meet with odd jobs. He's a fantastic father who's just a little bit fucked up..."

Hyungwon nodded a bit. "How about your life? What's it like for you?" I bit my lip and I'm sure Hyungwon noticed my hesitation.

"It's lovely," I smiled. "I'm in search of work right now, but my boyfriend works. He's great with children." 

Hyungwon nodded, "Well, I'll be the judge of that in the home visit in a few days. Meanwhile, Jihyun has to stay in foster care." I started to rebut, but Hyungwon cut me off. "Just until I deem you fit to parent her... Okay?" I nodded softly. 

Minhyuk spoke up as Hyungwon was packing up. "Could we have a few more minutes with her? Just five more and then you can come get her." I glanced up, waiting for his answer.

"I can do that. Five minutes only." Hyungwom took his bag and walked out of the room.

Minhyuk smiled until the door closed. "Are you fucking crazy, Kihyun?" He whisper yelled. "You and Taehyung can't raise her. She'll see things she doesn't need to." He was really worried and had every right to be.

I sighed. "I'm responsible for her. And I'm sure Wonho has gotten high in front of her, so she's been exposed once before. She's going to foster care, she'll be exposed and vulnerable there. I'll do whatever Taehyung wants, but she has to be in my care." Minhyuk wasn't satisfied with that and I knew it.

He bit his lip, thinking for a moment. "Tell Taehyung you're housing her for a few days. Then bring her to me."

I scoffed, "Uh uh, no." I sat up, taking her from him. "You're my best friend but I can't let you watch my niece. Seohyun and Wonho chose me to be a godparent. She's my responsibility." Just as Minhyuk began to plead his case, Jihyun whined as she woke up. "Hey hey, baby girl. Are you up?" Jihyun shook her head. I chuckled a little. "Well, you have to wake up, just a little bit. For me?" She nodded, opening her eyes slowly. "There you go... Listen. Daddy's okay, but they're going to watch him for a while. And soon, you'll be living with me. But you have to stay with a few nice people until I get you, okay?" Jihyun whined, fear finally setting in.

Minhyuk sat on the other side of me. "Jihyun, I know it's scary," He said. "I remember when I had to do this. It was really scary. But, I'm here now and I'm okay. You'll be okay too. It'll only be four days. Four sunrises and three sunset. And, I can hang out with you for two of those sunrises." I couldn't even be angry with him for offering this. I'd be too busy convincing Taehyung to let me do this and she couldn't to do this alone. "Does that sound okay?" Jihyun reluctantly nodded and Minhyuk smiled at her. "That's my girl." The door opened and we all looked at who was standing there. Hyungwon nodded, signalling it was time.

"Jihyun," I stood her up, walking her to him. "This is Hyungwon, say hi!" Jihyun gave him a sleepy wave. I lowered myself to be face to face with her. "He's going to take you to those nice people I told you about, okay?" Jihyun whined a bit, tears starting to flow. She begged me not to leave her. "Hey, hey, hey," I held her face gingerly in my hand. "I'm not going anywhere, Mira. I just have to make sure everything is ready for you to move in, okay?" 

It took a little bit of convincing but she finally allowed Hyungwon to take her to her temporary home. I sighed as they left. "I'm gonna go tell Wonho... When he wakes up." Minhyuk followed me, despite me wanting to do this alone. I needed the time to think about what I planned on doing about this mess I'd gotten into.


	4. four days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drug Addiction  
> Graphic drug use

"Excuse me, where is Shin Hoseok's room located? I'm his brother in law." I asked the nice woman at the front desk.

She entered his name into the computer, humming softly. "He's gonna be in ICU-9, sir."

I nodded, "Thank you so much." I gained Minhyuk's attention, walking back toward the ICU. We scanned the rooms until we found room nine. I walked in and Wonho was just waking up. "Hey buddy..." I mumbled, quietly pulling up a chair. 

"Either we're both dead or we're both alive..." Wonho mumbled. I bit my lips and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Damn it," he sighed, breaking down into tears. "God fucking damn it!" I took his hand, trying not to break down with him. "I can't... I can't do this, Kihyun. Please..." He couldn't breathe.

I groaned trying to think of ways to calm him down. "Minhyuk, open the window. He can't breathe."

Wonho reached up and pulled me face to face with him. "I... Don't... Want to!" He let go of me, throwing his head back down into his pillow. "I wanna die. I can't do this anymore..." I sighed, running my free hand through his hair, trying to calm him down.

I sat down next to him, hushing him to calm him down. "Think about Jihyun... Think about your Mira." Minhyuk turned his back, most likely crying as well. I couldnt. I had to stay strong. "Don't tell me knowing you have her doesn't make you wanna stay alive."

Wonho shrugged. "She's so much like Seohyun, it's crazy." He broke a smile ever so softly. "I don't think you realize how many times I've blatantly proven that I'm unfit to take care of her. How many times she's come to me to ask a simple question and I've been so high, I just tell her to go fuck off." My mouth fell slightly. This isn't Wonho. This isn't him at all. "So many times she's asked me, "Daddy, you're giving yourself a shot? Do you have to?" And I tell her that I indeed have to give myself a shot. And she asks me if it hurts. And I say "no, nothing really hurts me anymore" and I tell her to go play in her room so I can stay high until the fatigue crashes over me." My face fell in shock of what they've been fucking enduring. 

"Wonho..." I started. He didn't even look at me. I couldn't tell if he was in thought or if he was having side effects of this grandiose overdose. "Why didn't you just start paperwork to sign Jihyun over to me? How long have you been doing these drugs?" I couldn't take the question back, but I wasn't so sure I wanted to hear the answer.

Wonho stared off into space, losing all focus on me. Minhyuk turned around to see what was happening. "Wonho?" He asked.

I didn't know what was happening. Wonho's eyes rolled and his lids fluttered shut. His pulse was still strong, no alarms were going off. "Wonho!" I yelled, shaking him a bit. After a few more seconds, Wonho woke back up, slowly. "What just happened?" I asked.

Words weren't coming easily for Wonho. "I-I... Hmm?" I had to leave before I lost all the strength I had. He had a complete blackout. I'm sure it was the side effect of a fucking drug overdose.

"I came to tell you that, while you're recovering, Jihyun will be with me. I'll have her in four days." I waited for him to respond. He only slowly tried to open his eyes.

Wonho nodded, trying to speak. "Thank... Y-" He passed out again. 

Minhyuk grabbed my arm and pulled me away. I could only take so much and he knew that. "I'll drive you home... What are you gonna do about him?" Minhyuk stressed the last word with utter disgust.

I sighed. "She's my child now... He's just gonna have to accept that." Optimism could never hurt.

Minhyuk nodded, "And what if he doesn't? What if he hurts you in front of Jihyun and you can't take care of her? I'm the next person able to take care of her. But why go through that and just combine our efforts?"

He was really trying. For that, I admired him. "Minhyuk." He looked at me with a look that said I'm Telling You So. "Nothing is going to jeopardize Jihyun's life with me. She'll be okay and once Taehyung understands the situation? I'll be okay." I saw concern blaze across Minhyuk's face, but alas, I ended the conversation there.

I didn't get home until about eight in the morning. By then, Taehyung was up, working on last minute board meeting materials. When the front door closed, Taehyung yelled out to me. "How's the girl?"

He knew that irritated me... Calling a child out of their name as if they didn't have a given one. "Jihyun, is as fine as she can be right now. Saving her father, living with people she doesn't know." I walked into Taehyung's office by the front door. I looked at him, smiling gently. "You look hot when you're working like that... Did you know that?" I walked over to the desk, still smiling.

Taehyung looked up at me a furrowed his eyebrows. "What do you want, Kihyun?" He asked coldy.

I sighed, taking a hold of his tie, pulling him closer. "I just want you? Why would you think I want anything else?" I slowly leaned forward, moving his finished files and tossing them onto the floor next to us. 

"You want something. You're not this wild at 8:00AM, in my office, with the blinds open." Taehyung swatted my hands away from him.

I sighed, getting off his desk. "Fine. Two options." I bit my lip. "Option one: Jihyun lives here. Option two: Jihyun and I live with Minhyuk?" I covered my ears, backing out of his grasp. I expected a slap to my ears. 

Taehyung laughed at me. "What the fuck are you flinching for?" His laughter didn't stop. "I don't care what you have to do. Jihyun's not living here and you're not living with Minhyuk." 

I took a bold step. "Well, she's gonna be here in four days and I don't have time to find a new place and prove I can take care of her. So you obviously care about what I have to do. You wouldn't be protesting against me living with Minhyuk, taking care of our goddaughter." Taehyung rushed over my way and pushed me into the wall, hands gripping the back of my neck.

I yelled out, trying to grab my head. Taehyung slammed my back into the wall a good three or four times before stopping and growling in my face. "You said "our goddaughter", the fuck you mean?" I normally didn't cry, but I couldn't help it this time. I didn't fear much, but anxiety rushed over me. "What, are you in love with him? Huh, is he better than me?"

Taehyung demanded an answer out of me and I shook my head. "No, no he's not! I'm not in love with him, I love you. He was also designated to be a godparent. Please, don't hurt me anymore." I've never asked him to do that before. He always made me feel like I deserved it.

My body shook as Taehyung continued laughing. "Bitch, I'll do whatever the fuck I want to you. Give me one good reason as to why I shouldn't put you in a hospital right fucking now." Taehyung made me look into his eyes.

My breathing grew heavier as something snapped inside of me. "Because... There is a fucking three year old who is in a foster home with God knows who else and I'm not going to have her living with strangers while her father is dying in the fucking hospital!" I pushed Taehyung off of me with all of my force. "You know how it feels to be in a foster home so why the hell would you put another child through that?"

Taehyung went to strike me but dropped his hand slowly. "It'll be the same damn thing here. You don't have custody of her." He yelled.

"I will." I started going upstairs. Before I made it to the stairs, I turned around. "It's both of us or neither of us. Take your pick, Taehyung. Because eventually I won't be giving you a choice." I ran upstairs, locking myself in the bathroom. Tears didn't hesitate to come. I started hyperventilating and kicked the counter. I was so concerned about Jihyun's safety... And mine.


	5. five conditions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Graphic abuse  
> Degradation  
> Non-consensual touching/kissing  
> Death threats

As I cried in the bathroom, I thought over everything Taehyung has done to me in the past three months. Shit only really hit the fan in May... For what reason, I didn't know.

One day, Taehyung came home drunk and I hadn't really noticed it. But he was all over me and I was all over him, that's how I couldn't tell. He seemed natural. Then, he allowed me to kiss his neck a few seconds too long for his liking. "Goddamn it, Kihyun, get the fuck off of me!" I didn't expect to be thrown off the bed, hitting my hip on the nightstand. I had a hairline fracture in my left hip. I couldn't walk correctly for a while, leaving me on bed rest for about a week or two.

Taehyung wasn't keen on taking care of me. He sort of put me in a room and ignored me. I was helpless, like a baby left to its mess for a few days. His response? "I had a business trip, you knew this." He walked in the room and he was disgusted with me as much as I was disgusted with myself, if not more. "God, you aren't that damn crippled, you could've at least gotten to the bathroom, Kihyun." He made me feel so small for something I couldn't control. Even with my injury, he forced me to make so many trips to the laundry room, making me go up and down flights of stairs. I couldn't even cry, the pain was numbingly harsh. I just had no energy to feel any more sorry for myself than I already had.

Even the day he took my virginity, he was an asshole. He just told me to forget about what happened and fuck off. But he came back to me. Or came back to torture me.

I took off my shirt, staring at the burn scars I had. Half of them, dinner didn't taste good to him so he threw the pot of piping hot food on me. The other half of them came three weeks later when I was making ramen and it wasn't done by the time he got home. He threw the boiling water on me and my arms suffered the majority of the burning, mostly for having to cover my face. My back was scarred from being whipped to East Hell and back.

The evidence of the abuse left me feeling nothing of who I used to be. I looked in the mirror and I could no longer see Kihyun. I saw Taehyung's bitch. And, oh God, how I hated Taehyung's bitch.

The banging on the door brought me out of my thoughts. "Kihyun. What are you doing in there?"

I wiped my tears, turning on the sink faucet and kicking the closet door as if I closed it. I quickly threw my shirt back on. "Cleaning the bathroom." I quietly opened the underneath of the sink, grabbing cleaning solutions.

"Open the door," He said, voice as calm as can be." I unlocked the door and turned the handle, throwing a sponge under the hot water. He watched me meticulously. "Option one." I looked at him, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "You're not allowed to see Minhyuk. I told him about Wonho because I assumed you needed a friend to be with you." I nodded a bit before turning off the water.

I thought about what he just said. "You thought I needed a friend, not my boyfriend?" I asked. I nodded acceptingly and scoffed. "Got you." Somehow, I was caught offguard by what I was expecting less than a half an hour ago. Taehyung's hand popped against my ear. "Ah, son of a bitch!" I yelled out, holding my ear.

Taehyung chuckled. "Please, with all the trouble you've been for the past six months? You're no boyfriend of mine." The words hurt more than I ever expected. There was no pain relief, only more pain. "Shit, I only keep you around because all the shit you do for me, thinking it'll make me stay." I couldn't let myself move. I couldn't think. This wasn't real. "Now, I'm about to bring a little girl into my house for you. I'm about to become a guardian for you. I'm about to act like I love you or some shit for you."

My heart hurt so much. Taehyung ruined me just so I'd end up dependent on him, even though he hates me. "Why... Why would you do this?" I asked, refusing to believe what I heard and refusing to accept my thoughts.

"Simple," he said. "I made you. I own you. And you can't escape." Taehyung grabbed my face harshly, attacking my lips. I didn't want it. I felt gross. I turned my head, saving my now bruised lips. Taehyung chuckled darkly. "I run this bitch. And you're not leaving me. I'm your boyfriend. Your lover. Your master. You'll respect me to the utmost if you want that girl to live here. I can destroy you, baby boy, you haven't seen nothing yet. I'm a big business man, baby. And big business men know how to get rid of little problems with ease. Don't make me call. You'll do what I want, when I want, how I want. You'll stop talking to Minhyuk. If he's coming to get the girl, we hand her off together. You will receive a new phone and I have complete access to it. Those are only five of my terms and conditions." Taehyung pulled me closer, growling in my ear. "Don't. Make me. Repeat them. Figure the others out, if you're not actually this fucking dumb." He chuckled, running his hand across my face. Tae bit at my neck and I gasped, not wanting to be touched at all. He clicked his tongue, the sound so loud that my ear felt like it wanted to bleed. Before he left, he pulled me out of the bathroom, putting soap in the sink and turning it on. "Clean up this mess." He closed the door, leaving me outside of the bathroom. "Don't turn it off yet, only when that's all over the floor. It'll only take you about an hour... Or four." Taehyung went downstairs, grabbing his keys and his coat. "Bye, bye, love." He laughed as he closed the door.

I looked over the banister as I watched him leave. "You son of a bitch..." I said softly before sitting down on the floor. After sitting for about five minutes, bawling my eyes out, I got on the phone, calling Minhyuk. It was dangerous, but I needed to. 

"Taehyung, Kihyun should be there by now, I don't know where he would b-" 

I cut him off, tears pouring. "Minhyuk..."

His tone softened immensely. "What's wrong? Do I need to come get you?" He was worried.

I shook my head, despite him not being able to see me. "I-I... I don't think I can do this." It hurt so much.

Minhyuk was confused. "What do you mean? Wh-what can't you do?" 

"I can't leave him. But he'll treat that sweet little girl like shit... But you're guardian four. They can't skip me." I cried out loud. "She's seen so much, she's gonna see so much more. I don't know what to do." I sniffled, wiping my face with my sleeves.

Minhyuk couldn't really say anything. He didn't know what to say. "You can leave him... It'll be okay." If only I could believe that.

I turned around looking at the bathroom. "It won't. I either do what he wants or die. Then you really would be her next guardian. I have to go. Meet me at the hospital tomorrow evening around six... I'll try to get out." I hung up, throwing the house phone down and running to the bathroom. The sink overflowed, soap and suds all over the floor. 

I sighed, getting down to work. I was lonely, sad, scared. I was exactly what Taehyung wanted me to be. Molded me to be. His bitch.


	6. six hours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexual favors

I finished cleaning the entire house within four hours. It was now noon. I had about six more hours to make dinner and get ready for Hyungwon to see how I lived.

How I lived... Damn it. I had injuries ti cover. I rushed to the bathroom looking at myself in the mirror. My ear was somewhat bruised. I took a cool towel and held it on my ear, sighing deeply. As the towel became really warm, I took it away from my ear to stare at the reddish tint that was left. I put my finger to my ear and it was bleeding a bit. I didn't know what to do, so I put cotton in my ear. I opened up my drawer to get my foundation and setting powder out. I covered up my entire neck and some of my burn scars. There wasn't much left to do to me, as I covered everything I could. 

Looking at myself, besides the dark circles, you couldn't tell that I was a 24 year old, done with life. The image I needed. That little girl meant so much to me, I couldn't let someone else take care of her. Satisfied with the look, I went out to the kitchen to start dinner. Dinner was for Taehyung, a lovely home was for Hyungwon. At this point, Taehyung and I could live in a shitty looking mansion instead of the pristine one I kept clean.

For dinner, I made a simple beef dish. I had no inspiration to make anything extravagent. Not like Tae would appreciate it or anything. Before I knew it, it was five o'clock and Hyungwon was coming. I made sure everything was absolutely perfect. I had to get this one thing done correctly.

The doorbell rang and I gave myself one last look over. Upon opening the door, I was greeted by Hyungwon, Jihyun and Minhyuk. "Hi, sweetheart. Come give Kihyunnie a big hug!" Jihyun ran into my arms, almost tackling me. "Oh, I missed you!"

She giggled. "I missed you! I was sad." I gasped a little bit, looking into her eyes.

"You were?" She nodded. "Well, are you still sad?" Jihyun shook her head. "Okay, for a second I thought I had to break out the emergency ice cream. But you're not sad!" Jihyun's face lit up.

I chuckled as she dropped her face. "Well, maybe I'm a little sad." Hyungwon smiled at us, writing things down.

I kissed her forehead. "Then, let's go cure it! To the kitchen!" Jihyun skipped a head, letting go of my hand. "Watch out, Mira. I don't want you to hurt yourself." I turned around to look at Hyungwon. "The living room is over here, you can sit in here." He nodded, walking with Minhyuk going to the living room. I got a small single serve cup of strawberry ice cream for Jihyun and sat her down at the kitchen table.

"Thank you, Kihyunnie," Jihyun smiled, taking her spoon to the cup.

I smiled, "You are so welcome, sweetheart. I bet you're not sad anymore, are you?" Jihyun shook her head she ate. I pat her head before meeting the adults in the living room. As I approached them, I furrowed my eyebrows for a moment. "Minhyuk, why are you here?"

Hyungwon spoke up for him. "Since he already had Jihyun for the day, I just brought him back home." He smiled, continuing to write.

"I'm sorry," I chuckled, causing Hyungwon to look up at me. "Back home? What do you mean by back home?" Minhyuk went to speak up but Hyungwon went ahead again.

His next sentence threw me for a loop. "That is your boyfriend, you know?"

My eyes popped wide open and I shook my head furiously. "No, no! No, he's my best friend, Wonho's best friend. No, he's not my boyfriend." I chuckled nervously.

"I am." I turned around, startled by the voice behind me. Taehyung came in and I hadn't even noticed. 

Minhyuk sat straight up, staring daggers into the both of us. I chuckled again, anxiety rising. "Yes, this is my boyfriend. Uhm, Kim Taehyung."

Hyungwon stood to shake his hand. "Kim Taehyung, as in the CEO of Kim Enterprises?" He asked.

"In the flesh," Taehyung smiled. "I assume you're here to check out the living situation for Jihyun?"

I nodded, "Yes, that's exactly what's happening." I cuddled up to Taehyung, kissing him softly. Hyungwon and Minhyuk couldn't see my eyes but the shot open when Taehyung grabbed my face. His hand caressed over my damaged ear and bruised neck, causing extreme pain for me. I couldn't help but whimper out.

Minhyuk and Taehyung knew better. Hyungwon didn't. "Mr. Yoo, are you okay?" I turned around to face him. What he said hadn't registered completely, so I responded with a hum. "Are you okay?"

I smiled, "Oh yes. My neck has a knotted muscle in it and I hurt my ear somehow. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow to figure out what's wrong." Hyungwon understood and moved on.

"Well, Mr. Lee, I presume you have no more business here?" Taehyung asked with an edge to his voice.

Minhyuk leaned forward a bit. "Actually, yes. I'm a reference. So, I do have business here."

Taehyung faked a smiled, "Splendid." Minhyuk smuggly grinned at Taehyung. "Kihyun, can we go talk upstairs really quickly?" He asked.

"Oh, I'm afraid not, Mr. Kim. I have to finish this case by the end of tonight so we can get Kihyun settled in." Hyungwon the Life Saver.

Taehyung nodded. "Yes, well, I do need to go back into the office shortly. What do you need to know?"

Hyungwon pulled out a list of questions. "I need to see how you three react together as a family and how you react with Jihyun. You need to answer a few basic knowledge questions about her and then Kihyun can tell me how his schedule works, as I'm sure you're quite a busy man." Taehyung nodded, allowing him to proceed. "What is Jihyun's given international name?" He asked.

"Mira," Taehyung answered. "It means miracle."

Hyungwon marked off that question. "What is her favorite color?" I looked at Taehyung, waiting for his answer.

"Purple. She wears it almost every day."

A few more minutes went by. Simple questions like, how old was she? Three years old. What preschool did she go to, the Seoul Academy for Children. What is her favorite food? Korean beef. What is her favorite thing to do? Play House. Just the simple little things that Taehyung surprisingly got correct. "Perfect," Hyungwon smiled. "Now, just act like we aren't here. Take care of her." 

Taehyung nodded, heading to the kitchen. "Hey kid, what's going on?" Jihyun looked at him and smiled.

"I finished my ice cream!" She wss so proud.

Taehyung grinned, "Really? Before dinner? Did your uncle spoil you again?" He asked. She nodded, ratting me out. "Well, guess what?" He said, heading to the cabinets.

Jihyun curiously furrowed her eyebrows. "What?"

Taehyung grabbed one of our smallest bowls, going to the stove. "Your uncle made your favorite food." He scooped up some rice, putting it into her bowl. Then the beef and finished it with sesame seeds. Jihyun did a happy food dance, being as adorable as could be. Taehyung grabbed a spoon and chopsticks. "Do you know how to use these yet?" Jihyun nodded. "Oh really? Show me." Tae handed the chopstickd over and she stabbed a piece of meat with one of them, then ate. He couldn't help but laugh. "No, honey, that's very close though! You just have to use both of them, like this." He demonstrated how to eat with chopsticks, feeding her bite by bite. They spent dinner time together until she was full.

I was shocked. I expected him to be awkward and avoid her. He pulled it together for her. For me. "Alrighty, Kihyun, may I talk to you and Minhyuk outside?" I nodded, leading them outside. "I know Kim Taehyung is a busy man, so I'm willing to appoint you both custody of Shin Jihyun." I smiled widely, tears coming to my eyes. I could have her, watch her and protect her. I'd do anything for that girl. Things many people wouldn't. "Can you come to the hospital tomorrow at around six so we can converse with Hoseok and sign her over?" 

Minhyuk smiled, speaking for me as I couldn't get past the tears of joy. "Yes sir, we can. Thank you so much! I'll go get her and then we can go?" Hyungwon nodded, heading toward his vehicle. 

"I'll be doing some paperwork. Take your time." He said, walking away.

I nodded, "Thank you so much, Mr. Chae!" I wiped my tears away. 

Minhyuk turned around and hugged me tightly. Once I pulled away, he wiped my tears down my neck. Makeup was pooling off of me. I gasped, covering the purple spot with my hand. "Yeah, your setting powder fucking sucks, Kihyun." He sighed softly, quieting down. "What did he do to you today?"

I shrugged. "Nothing I didn't deserve." I smiled. "But, Jihyun's safe. I know it." Minhyuk laughed a bit.

"If she was safe with only you two, I wouldn't be granted custody as well as you, Kihyun..." He said, going inside to get Jihyun. 

I followed him inside, saying my goodbyes. "See you tomorrow, love." I kissed her forehead as she skipped away with Minhyuk. As soon as I closed the door, Taehyung punched me in the face, harder than he had before.

He pinned me against the wall. "So, you're dating him now, huh? He's your boyfriend?" 

I shook my head. "It was a misunderstanding. Besides. When I mentioned my boyfriend in the hospital, he was the only one there. What else was Mr. Chae supposed to assume?" Taehyung's hand found its way to the top of my shirt. He ripped it right down the middle. 

"You'll do what I want, when I want, and how I want." He recited one of his conditions. I closed my eyes, nodding softly. He pushed me to the ground and I hit my knees on the marble entryway. "Get to it, baby boy." Taehyung undid his belt, pulling it out of the loops. He held it by his right side, waiting for me to do something that deserved a crack. I nodded, going the undo his pants when I got hit. "You can start outside the pants, you filty cockslut." My head hurt so bad, I began shaking. I wanted to lay down and sleep. I couldn't. I had to do what Taehyung wanted me to do. In return, he'd probably put me to sleep later. I did as he wanted, starting with him fully clothed. It was going to be a long night of doing what he wanted, when he wanted. I just held onto the hope of becoming Jihyun's guardian tomorrow. I wasn't going to jeopardize that.


	7. seven times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mental Abuse  
> Physical Abuse  
> Emotional Abuse  
> Homophobic Slurs  
> Anaphylactic Shock  
> Asphyxiation  
> Aggravated Assault  
> "Seizure"

At this point, I don't care to be vague. Taehyung fucked me multiple times between seven o'clock at night and five o'clock in the morning. Let me repeat, he fucked me. Each time he insulted me and beat me. He had me insult myself seven times. Telling myself that I was nothing more than a slave. That I didn't have any worth to myself or anyone else. I knew I didn't have any self worth. But, I was most definitely worth something to Jihyun. I was her uncle. Her second parent. I knew that much. Admit to myself that I would never amount to much. That Taehyung would never love me. That I deserved every bit of abuse I had gotten. Telling myself that no one would ever love me. That no one would ever want me. Those were the seven things I was being told to say about myself. 

By the end of it all, Taehyung left me to go to work. I couldn't move. Everything hurt and nothing felt like it was working. My breathing grew heavy and rapid as I released my nervous energy by screaming. I didn't know what else to do except remember what I was going to do today. I had to get up and prepare for Jihyun. Luckily, I had a few hours before I could actually leave the house. After laying in bed, holding myself for a few more moments, I got up and headed to the shower. I looked at myself in the mirror. I was digusted with myself. I had painful rainbows painted all over my body. Splotches of red, purple, green and yellow all over my body. There wasn't much of my natural pigment left. I wasn't phased anymore by this. It was a routine to accept this. I jumped into the shower, hot water relaxing my tense and sore muscles. I was extremely exhausted with this. Taehyung didn't love me and would never love me, so why was I still trying so damn hard?

I began thinking of what my life would be like if I didn't royally fuck up.

Suddenly, I was a 16 year old again, trying to find the right words to speak to my mother with. Minhyuk and Seohyun were talking me down from an anxiety attack, Seohyun trying to convince me not to tell my mother. 

"He wants to tell her, Seohyun. I don't understand why he shouldn't." Minhyuk defended, running his fingers through my hair.

Seohyun sighed. "He won't get his desired outcome and he knows this. Even if, in my mother's eyes, being bisexual isn't as bad being gay, she will not be supportive."

Minhyuk chuckled at her, Seohyun taking offense. "The way you're speaking right now, you either don't understand or you aren't supportive either." I wanted them to stop arguing. I needed to get the strength to come out. "He's pansexual. He's not bisexual. It's not the same thing." I exhaled, tears still falling. My brain screamed for them to stop but my voice wouldn't cooperate.

Seohyung laughed a little bit, mocking him. "So please, enlighten me on the fucking difference?"

I shook my head, sitting up and wiping my tears away. "Shut up. I got this." That was a boldfaced lie. I didn't have it. I ran downstairs, looking for my mother. Upon finding her in the kitchen, the courage came to me. "Eomma?" I asked softly.

She looked up from the dinner I'd made her. "Mm, yes, son?" She asked, smiling at me.

"I have something I want to tell you," I started, fiddling with my hands. "And I just want you to know that I love you so much. And... I don't want you to hate me."

Those words caused a flash of concern to come over her face. "Why would I hate you?" She asked.

Minhyuk and Seohyun showed up behind me and I took a deep breath. "Mom... I'm not straight. I'm pansexual." I let it out, tears threatening to flow. 

"The fuck is that?" She yelled, not even trying to hide her anger.

Her voice caused me to jump. "I-I just love people. Anyone. I don't care what parts they have, what gender they are. I just love their personalities and what's in their heart." I held my arm, looking away from her.

She didn't know who to blame. "You," She got up, pointing at Minhyuk. I watched her pick up her glass of wine.

"Eomma, what are you doing?" I asked, trying to get in between the both of them. She pushed me out of her way.

I went to grab her but Seohyun held me back. "You. You turned my son into a fag." With the last word, she threw her red wine in Minhyuk's face.

He coughed and sputtered, trying to not inhale any of it. "I didn't do shit all except accept him, you evil old bitch." Minhyuk wiped his face off with his hands. "Oh God," he began coughing. "You have no idea what you juss dih." His words were beginning to slur. "I'm fugging allergic to wed wine!" 

My mom laughed. "I know what I did. I hope you rot in Hell for what you did to Kihyun," she said.

"I'll see you there." Minhyuk quipped, rushing out the front door.

I went to follow him when my mother stopped me. "If you follow that faggot, you're gone. Do you fucking hear me? Gone!"

I ripped myself away from her grasp. We stood there, glaring at each other for what felt like eternity. "Leave my shit at the door." I stated coldly, grabbing my keys and running behind Minhyuk. Outside, the sun was still setting. It was a beautiful day dimmed by the series of unfortunate events that unfolded right in front of me. Minhyuk was leaning against my truck, grabbing onto the hood for dear life. As I got closer, I heard the whistling air trying to escape his throat. 

Fuck, he was running out of time. I grabbed onto him, "Minhyuk, I'm gonna lay you down okay?" He couldn't protest me anyway. I laid him down and ran to my driver's side door. I had an EpiPen in there, we were both extremely allergic to things. Once I got it, I ran and leaned down next to him. I prepped the pen then tried to rip a section of his pants. His jeans were always too thick for the pen to go through. Luckily, he chose ripped ones today. I grabbed both sides of a hole and ripped it apart, revealing enough leg to use the pen. Wasting no more time to warn him, I put as much force as I possibly could into his leg. Minhyuk gasped out in pain, finally getting some air. 

Later, after getting him to the hospital, Minhyuk confessed his love to me. I was flattered, honored and happy. Because I loved him too. But I didn't want him to get hurt by my mother again. He almost died that night. I couldn't date him.

Now, here I am, wishing I was. He told me I could always come back home. By the time I finished reminiscing, it was time for me to go to the store to buy a bed for Jihyun.

By the end of my day, I'd bought the bare minimums for Jihyun's room and set it up. It was almost six o'clock when I got done. I got dressed, heading to the hospital. Minhyuk was waiting for me in the lobby. "We're running, we got a problem." Minhyuk started to jog off without me.

"Wait!" I called out, jogging behind him. "What, what's the issue?" I asked, following him to the ICU. 

We arrived at Wonho's room and the sight was heartbreaking. "No," Wonho yelled. "I'm not letting you take my daughter. I will discharge my goddamn self, you're not fucking taking her!" His screaming caused the nurses on the floor to look our way. I shut the door for his privacy. "I don't give a fuck that Kihyun and Minhyuk are taking her, they aren't her fucking father. I am!"

Wonho was being aggressive. Hyungwon didn't hold back either. "Her father that almost fucking killed himself by getting high off his fucking ass!" Wonho fell silent. "You're a human and you snapped. No one is faulting you for falling off the boat. Don't take your daughter with you, Wonho." Hyungwon back away from Wonho, taking a few steps toward his briefcase.

I looked between Hyungwon and Wonho, waiting for either of them to say something. "Kihyun," Wonho started, looking at me. "Do you want to take her for the same I wanna keep her?" He asked.

I furrowed my eyebrows. "If you'd tell just exactly what that means?"

He took a deep breath. "She's all of Seohyun I have left..." Wonho began crying. "Do you want to take her because she's all of Seohyun you have left?" He asked.

I shook my head, leaning forward and wiping his tears. "I want to take her because you need to be well. You need a break. It's not like you'll never see her again. I'll bring her by. When you have day, free from therapy and rehab, we can go to the park and you can spend all day with her. Wonho, he's right. You tried to kill yourself, leaving her alone to call me for help."

Wonho looked up at me. "She did that? Th-that's how I got here?" Either no one told him or he had a memory lapse. It was sad either way.

"Yes," I said. "She called me. She had a nightmare and wanted to sleep in your room but you didn't wake up. She wanted me to wake her up from her nightmare. She called 119. She got you here. She wants you to live. We all want you to live. If you can't live for yourself, live for Jihyun. Live for Seohyun. She lives on in that miracle you have that's going to be in the best care she can be in right now." I held his hand.

He nodded softly. "Where's the paper?" Wonho asked, wiping his tears away. Hyungwon was at the ready. He took the paper, signing the temporary release of parental rights.

When he handed me the clipboard, I glanced at his signature before handing it back to Hyungwon. The signature was sloppy, disjointed and all over the place. I leaned down, running my hand over his head. "Wonho?" I looked into his eyes and gasped slightly when I noticed what was happening. He was slowly passing out again. "Hey, hey, hey!" I called out, shaking him slightly. His grip on my hand loosened and an airy croak came from his throat. He began shaking and stuttering as if he was speaking in extremely cold weather. Minhyuk came to my side, checking his pulse while I tried to wake him up. Alarms began ringing and my anxiety rose with each beep. I looked up and Hyungwon wasn't doing anything. "Hey!" I yelled. "Go get some fucking help!" Hyungwon nodded and opened the door, looking for anyone who knew what they were doing. 

"He's stressed out." Minhyuk sighed, caressing Wonho's face. "He's having another absence, but this time it's more on the typical neurological seizure side."

I kept my eyes on Wonho, not willing to move until a doctor came in. Suddenly, his stuttering came to a halt. "Take good care of my Mira... Please." He mumbled.

I nodded, even though he hasn't opened his eyes yet. "I wouldn't let anyone hurt that baby. You know it." I held onto his hand tighter.

Wonho nodded. "And Kihyun?" He reached up and pulled me in closer to his mouth. "If Taehyung lays a finger on her or you, especially around her? I swear to fucking God I'll fucking kill him." He went to let go, but tightened his grasp again. "And you can fucking tell him I said that." Wonho let go of me and I sighed.

A doctor came in and took over. Hyungwon to me and Minhyuk to a room where we could discuss everything. "Okay. So I wrote this to where you both have custody. However you two decide to figure it out is fine by me. I will be visiting you both in two weeks. Log what happens everyday and be ready for my arrival. Once you sign this, you two become the guardians of Shin Jihyun." Hyungwon slid the paper over to us and a pen. I reached and signed it quickly. The question Wonho asked me lingered in my mind. If I was taking her because she was the last piece of Seohyun I had. That wasn't why. Besides caring for her and wanting to take care if my niece, she was my hope. My light at the end of this dark, ominous tunnel. Now that she's here, the path is clearer. I got a text from Taehyung asking me when I'd be home. I gave myself an hour worth of time. That way I could make sure Jihyun ate before she came home. "Congratulations, guys. I will go get her right away."

As the door closed, I turned to Minhyuk. "Did you fucking tell Wonho?" I asked.

Minhyuk rolled his eyes. "No, Kihyun, I didn't share your dirty little fucking secret." He was irritated, I could tell. "I told you, your setting powder sucks. He also remembers a time when Taehyung blew up on you after a night out. You were hanging with us while he was feeling someone up at the bar. Then he screamed at you like you were fucking both of us in the bar on the goddamn table. Wonho's not an idiot. But you're becoming one." Before I could say anything, the door opened and in came Jihyun.

"There's my niecey!" I smiled, going to her and picking her up. "You wanna go get something to eat-eat?"

Jihyun smiled and nodded. "Is Minhyuk coming with us?" She asked.

I looked up at him. "He's invited to come, of course. It's up to him." Minhyuk smiled, agreeing to go with us. I pulled out my phone and took a picture of the two of us. "Okay, come on let's go, Mira." Hyungwon smiled at us on the way out. 

As we headed to the car, I texted the picture to Taehyung. I asked him to please wait until she was asleep. He said a simple yet cryptic and vague "We'll see." 

Jihyun smiled and jumped in the back seat, buckling herself into her car seat. "I'm a big girl, Kihyunnie!" I smiled widely.

"Yes you are!" I kissed her forehead. "My, you're growing up. Let's go eat before you're graduating high school." Jihyun laughed and I closed the door. "Minhyuk?" I asked.

He turned and looked at me. "Yes?"

I started to cry with my back turned so that Jihyun didn't see. "Did I do the right thing?" I asked. "Did I make a stupid mistake?" Mihyuk patted my shoulder.

"We're both her parents now. If you need her to stay somewhere else, I'm there." He started walking to the passenger door. "Maybe you can both come home." Minhyuk got in the car, leaving me outside. I sighed and wiped my tears before getting in.

I was starting to worry about what I chose to do. Worry about Jihyun and Taehyung. I knew I couldn't trust him with her. But I didn't know how far he'd go. The thoughts terrified me. I turned the engine and began driving to ease the worry. I didn't wanna go to the house. I wanted to go home. I can't.


	8. eight or more bruises

I had Minhyuk unlock the front door as I carried a sleeping Jihyun inside. "Tae?" I called out. "We're home!" I hoped my new greeting would keep him from beating my ass. I came in later than I expected to and I knew a beating was in my future. 

I hung up my keys and my jacket. Minhyuk helped take off Jihyun's jacket and shoes. "Where do you want them?" He asked.

"You can just set them down here," I pointed at the bottom of the stairs.

After I said that, there came Taehyung, pissed off as all hell. "What is he doing here?" He asked, pointing to Minhyuk.

Minhyuk just smiled. "I did have to sign for my goddaughter here." My eyes widened as I jabbed Minhyuk in the side. I hadn't told Taehyung that we were both guardians of Jihyun. I knew that when he mentioned handing her off together to Minhyuk, he meant just for the day. I hadn't confirmed that we would both be her guardians.

Taehyung chuckled a bit. "I'm sorry," Taehyung took a step closer. "I must not be hearing you correctly. You had to do what for who now?"

I laughed a bit. "Funny story," I started, handing Jihyun over to Minhyuk. "Uhm, considering you're a busy man, Hyungwon had both of us sign to be her parents." I chuckled uncomfortably. "Haha, isn't that funny, baby?" I walked toward him, still laughing. As he stared daggers into my eyes, I attempted to soften his expression by holding his face and cuddling up to him.

"I'm not fucking laughing, am I?" Taehyung growled, shoving my arms off of him. "Minhyuk," he looked at Minhyuk who was now sitting on our staircase, rocking Jihyun. "You can go now. I've got this." Taehyung reached for Jihyun but Minhyuk stood up, walking away from him.

I mentally cursed myself. I should've taken Minhyuk home then come home. "I'm sorry, did you write your name on a custody agreement?" Minhyuk asked. "No? Then don't fucking touch her." I had to stop the situation or else Minhyuk would spill that he knows about the abuse. If he did that, I might as well take a gun to my head now.

I was forced to put up a front. "Okay, Minhyuk, I get you're upset but you don't disrespect my boyfriend in his house like that." I walked over to him, taking Jihyun. With my back to Taehyung, I mouthed to Minhyuk, "Play along... I'm sorry."

Minhyuk rolled his eyes, getting into "character". I sighed, holding Jihyun close to me as Minhyuk laughed a bit. "Hmm," He grabbed his phone out of his back pocket, getting the Uber app open. "Hoes before bros then, I guess." I bit my lip, not knowing what to do or say. Even though he was going along with it, I didn't know if he meant it or not.

Taehyung laughed a little, wrapping his arm around my waist. "You would know, wouldn't you? Where's your girl? Or your man?" He asked, planting a kiss on ny cheek. I couldn't help but feel like it was just as nuch as an act as me yelling at Minhyuk. "Or have you just not been clubbing in a few weeks?" I tensed up a bit, wanting to defend the hell out of Minhyuk.

He just glared at Taehyung. "I'll be outside. Waiting for my fucking Uber." Minhyuk opened the door before Taehyung called for him.

"Wait, Minhyuk," Tae said. "Do you have money?" Minhyuk looked at him with blank confusion. "Don't want you to have to fuck your driver just to pay for the ride home. But it's not like you wouldn't do it anyway."

Minhyuk chuckled. "Oh," He walked up to Taehyung, getting really close to him. "Honey, don't worry about me. See, I've got a kid to take care of now. That's worth a little more than a corporation." Minhyuk stepped away, heading back toward the door. "Especially when it's me who's raising that child with your boyfriend. I'm set. Thank you, though." With that, he left the house.

I sighed, unwrapping myself from Taehyung. "Where the hell do you think you're going, Yoo Kihyun?" He demanded to know.

I started walking to the stairs. "I'm going to lay Jihyun down to sleep." Making my way upstairs, I opened the door to her room. I cleared her bed of the stuffed animals there, laid her down and pulled the covers over her. After that, I picked up a bunny and glanced over it. Seohyun loved this little pink and mint green bunny. Our father won it for her at an amusement park. She wouldn't part with it, even in adulthood. I sighed and took it out of Jihyun's room for a moment, just to hold and appreciate it. I gave it a tight hug. "Sis, I wish you were here with me now... Maybe you would've convinced me to go for Minhyuk and I wouldn't be here. Wonho would be loads happier and Jihyun would most definitely be safe. I miss you." I never took time to really miss my sister. I was always making myself busy.

I still held onto the bear when going downstairs to meet Taehyung. "Ew, you look like a fucking child. It almost makes me want to not bash your fucking head in." Taehyung threw me against the stair railing. I cried out, gripping the bunny tighter. He'd hit the same hip he'd fucked up months before. I didn't know if it was enough force to fracture it again, but it hurt like a bitch. I didn't want to cry but I really wanted to at the same time. "How fucking dare you sign those papers with that thing?" Two of the people who were two of the most important people in my life, my mother and Taehyung, always had some shit to say about Minhyuk. The most important person in my life. If I tried to defend him, we'd both be extremely hurt. I was at a loss for words. I was snapped out of my thoughts by a fist connecting with my stomach, taking my breath away. A kick to my ankle and my knee, a popping sound following it. A malicious bite on my neck and another slam into a wall, knocking a picture down onto me. 

I didn't dare to move, except to hold the bunny close to my chest. I whispered my sister's name, "Seohyun," sniffling and trying to avoid my tears.

"Oh," Taehyung moved the picture out of the way, ripping the bunny out of my arms. "Did Minhyuk get this for you?" I was confused as I tried to get up. "We'll need to get rid of this too." 

My eyes widened as Taehyung ran into our washroom. He'd gotten a pair of scissors and a grill lighter. "Tae, no. Please. I-I'll do anything. Don't ruin that, please." I cried, tears actually flowing. I crawled to him, grabbing onto his leg.

Taehyung ripped his leg away from me, simultaneously cutting a leg off of the bunny. "Oops." He threw the bunny in the corner, lighting the grill lighter. I watched in horror as he actually burned the leg. He started laughing me. "Dry your bitch baby tears, I'll buy you a new one."

I shook my head, crying hard. "You can't!" I yelled. "That belonged to my goddamn sister! I gave it to Jihyun!" I screamed out. "I said my sister's name, not Minhyuk's!" Taehyung's eyes widened as he threw the burning fluff onto the tile and smothered the remaining fire. He got down on his knees, pulling me into his arms. "No!" I pushed away from him in hysterics. "Fuck you! No, don't fucking touch me!" Taehyung tried to calm me down. "Don't shush me, I fucking hate you! Why are you doing this to me?!" I cried, struggling to get out of his grasp.

Taehyung shared tears with me for once. "Why don't you just fucking leave me?" He asked. 

I shook my head. "I love you. And my dumbass still holds onto the hope that you'll get help to love me too."

Taehyung shook his head in return. "I won't. Because I don't. But I can't let you go. If you leave me, you'll be free, Kihyun." I cried harder, not believing the bullshit I'd just heard.

"Will I ever be free, Tae?" I asked, trying to stop crying. "You know everything you just said was bullshit. I have scars from you. Bruises. Injuries that will never fucking go away. And I'll be free of you if I just walk out that fucking door?" I began getting irritated and hysterical. I kept crying and soon enough hyperventilating. "God!" I screamed out, hitting the tiled floor with all my force. The adrenaline didn't allow me to know I'd busted my hand. But my sense of sound surely did. I mentally kept track of how many times I'd been hit. I'd wake up with eight or more bruises tomorrow morning, guaranteed. Taehyung didn't know what to do, he just pulled me closer to him. "Please, God, just fucking kill me!" I cried, grabbing at my chest. I couldn't breathe. "Taehyung you're so fucking close to doing it. So stop being a pussy and just fucking kill me." I whined, trying to rip my shirt. "Please... Please, let me go completely. Th-that way, you won't worry about Minhyuk taking me from you. And I'll be yours and you'll be my last. Please, Taehyung. Please." I couldn't breathe and I felt suffocated. I hadn't had this much of a mental breakdown before in my life and I already felt the embarrassment of having this breakdown in front of Taehyung. 

"Baby," Taehyung said, pulling me all the way into his lap, allowing me to cuddle into his side. "Do you need to go to the hospital?"

I shook my head. "They'll take Jihyun away... But who I need," I choked back a sob before letting it go relentlessly. "The one I need, you won't let me have!" I shook furiously into his arms. 

Taehyung pulled out his phone, calling Minhyuk. "Don't worry, I'm fucking gone, Taehyung." Minhyuk answered.

"Fuck, how far did you guys go?" He asked. "Something's wrong." I whimpered, tears still falling, shaking my head against his chest, uninjured hand weakly punching at his body.

Minhyuk paused before answering. "We're like five or so minutes away from your place, what happened?"

Taehyung sighed. "Kihyun, baby, we're gonna go to the living room okay?" He asked me.

I shook my head. "No!" I yelled. "Please, I just wanna go... I can't..." I began hyperventilating again.

"What the fuck did you do to him?!" Minhyuk yelled. "I'm coming back. I'm taking him and Jihyun back to my house for the night. I swear to God, Taehyung..." With that Minhyuk hung up.

I shook my head. "I'm fine. I just need sleep." I pushed myself off of Taehyung, standing up. It wasn't long before I found myself back on the floor, the sight of my ceiling blurring and fading away.


	9. nine in the morning

I came to in Minhyuk's room, scanning the room slightly. "What happened?" I mumbled. I looked at the clock and it read nine. Nine in the morning. "Fuck!" I screamed, jumping up. "Taehyung's gonna fucking kill me!" As I rushed to get up, Minhyuk came in and ran over to me. I didn't realize that I was falling.

"Whoa, whoa," Minhyuk said, catching me. "Easy there, babe," He said, bringing me back to the bed.

I shook my head. "He'll kill both of us if he heard you call me babe. Don't do that."

Minhyuk furrowed his eyebrows, taking a face towel out of the bowl of ice water that was resting on the nightstand. I didn't even recognize it there. "Kihyun, do you know what happened?" Minhyuk asked, dabbing ny face with the cool towel. I shook my head, thoroughly confused as to how I got here. I wouldn't normally stay the night. I would be at the mansion. "Taehyung went off on you. That's why your hand is wrapped." I wouldn't have noticed if he didn't point it out. "Well, that's because you punched the floor... But he beat you again. An-"

I cut him off. "T-to the point of blacking out?" I asked.

Minhyuk shook his head. "You were holding Seohyun's bunny for comfort and you said her name. The 'hyu' sound is what sent him off. He thought you called my name. And he cut a leg of the bunny off." I furrowed my eyebrows trying to remember. "Then you had a full on mental breakdown. You kept screaming and you cussed him out. You even asked for him to kill you. You begged him to kill you." I shook my head, refusing to believe that part.

"No... I'm Jihyun's guardian. I couldn't have asked that. I wouldn't. Not when I have her to take care of." I frowned.

Minhyuk sighed, putting the towel back in the bowl. "You did. Taehyung called me. I took your truck and brought you and Jihyun home."

I shook my head, getting up again. "I have to go. I can't be here. Tae's gonna kill us. Please." I pushed past Minhyuk, limping along. Minhyuk had to catch me again as the dizziness was taking over. 

"You're home. You don't have to go anywhere. Kihyun, you're home." I shook my head. "Then just stay here until tonight. I'll take care of Jihyun today but you need sleep and rest. You might have a concussion but I know you won't go to the hospital." He was damn skippy. I refused to go to a hospital. But I could work with this compromise. I weakly nodded, slowly closing my eyes as Minhyuk walked me back to bed.

I kept my eyes closed as Minhyuk tucked me in. "Siri, call Asswipe." He said. Siri started to dial the number.

"How is he?" Taehyung answered.

Minhyuk sighed. "Not looking the best. He's got a 103.6° fever. Something's infected or he's stressed out. He's extremely dizzy, he doesn't remember what happened, an-" I started coughing really hard, sitting up abruptly. Minhyuk threw his phone down on the nightstand, going to the other side of the bed, getting his oxygen mask. He put it on my face and I shook my head. "Kihyun, you need to breathe. Don't push it away." He didn't get it, breathing wasn't what I needed. Almost immediately after saying that, I threw up and Minhyuk gasped, pulling the mask away from my face. 

Taehyung spoke up. "What's happening?" He asked.

I kept throwing up, grabbing onto Minhyuk's wrist. After a bit, I only dry heaved. "He just projectile vomited all over my sheets..." Minhyuk sighed, tapping my hand a bit so I'd let go. He took off the mask bit of his oxygen machine and turned it off. 

I felt like I'd fucked up. Like Minhyuk was going to get angry with me. "I'm sorry," I whimpered, tears starting to fall. "I'll clean it up." 

Minhyuk shook his head. "You're not feeling well bud. It happens. You can always buy a new comforter." He got up, folding the comforter up like a hobo sack, taking it out to his garbage.

"Baby?" Taehyung asked. 

I looked at the phone. "Yeah?"

"How do you feel?" 

I shrugged even though he couldn't see me. "Like shit. But uhm... When I get home, I wanna see the security camera. I don't remember the breakdown. I wanna know what happened." It was bold. Minhyuk wouldn't want me to but I needed to. I need to remember.

Before Taehyung said anything, Minhyuk came back in with another comforter. "I think that was just nervous energy, Taehyung. He wasn't nauseous earlier. "Fever, dizzy, memory loss and asthma like attacks. That's why I thought he needed the oxygen mask. He's not okay. He needs a hospital but he won't go." I heard Minhyuk's phone beep. "Taehyung, I'll call you later, bye." Quickly, Minhyuk switched lines. "Hey, baby," he said.

I looked up at him, eyes widening to look wide awake. "Uh, uh, who the fuck you calling baby?" I asked.

"Whoever said that, I agree, who the fuck you calling baby?" The voice asked.

Minhyuk pouted, "Jesus, I'm kidding! What's up, Jooheon?"

Jooheon sighed. "Tell me why this bitch is never at home, always telling me he's hanging with Shownu?" He asked.

"Who, Changkyun?" Minhyuk asked. I was bored already with the drama. Jooheon and Changkyun have been together for about three years now and Changkyun was always in some shit. They were always having a fight and fucking it out later. College sweethearts just never cease, I guess. The conversation put me to sleep.

I woke up again later, feeling a lot better than before. I got up, grabbing the blanket on the chair next to the door. As I made my way to the living room, I saw Minhyuk and Jihyun playing on the floor. "Kihyunnie!" Jihyun smiled, running up to me. She hugged my waist tightly. "Did the sickies go away?" She asked.

I smiled softly at her. "Yes, honey. The sickies did go away. How was your day?"

Jihyun smiled wider. "Good! Minhyuk got us pizza. And we played then I slept. Now we're playing again!" I felt a million times better seeing her so happy. I looked at the time. It was about eight at night. I slept for 11 hours straight? I really must've needed the rest.

"Well, how about you play for a little bit longer and then I take you home. Have a bath and then get you tucked away into bed, yes?" Jihyun nodded.

Minhyuk looked up at me. "Kihyun, are you sure you feel well enough for that?" I nodded, despite my obvious attempts to keep my weight off of my left hip. "She can stay the night," he offered.

I shook my head. "No, Taehyung's probably worried about me." 

Minhyuk gave up the argument. He knew he'd get nowhere. I went back into his room, getting changed. I saw the contusions on my hip, the welt on my stomach, the bite on my neck. The bite on my neck was awful. I put it out of my mind for the time being.

After about an hour, I came out of the room with my phone, looking for my keys. "Minhyuk, where are my keys?" I asked.

"Front table," he answered softly. He was on the couch, holding Jihyun as she slept. 

I nodded and sighed, holding my arms out for her. "Thank you for today."

Minhyuk shrugged. "It's what I do. But today could happen a lot more if you left him, Kihyun." I didn't want to hear it, honestly. I was still tired, my head was pounding and I hurt all over. "Why are you staying with him? What, he's the CEO of a business? He's got money? He's got a mansion?" Minhyuk asked. "I've got none of that, Kihyun, but that doesn't make me less of a man than him. I'm more of a man than he'll ever be and you know this. So why are you still acting like you don't want to be with me? I won't lay a hand on you and you know it. I wouldn't dare hurt this little girl and you know that. I would take care of you and you know that. What's holding you back?" He'd been holding that in for a long time, I could tell. Tears were wetting his cheeks.

I bit my lip. "I'm fine, Minhyuk." It was the only thing I could say, true or not.

"I can't keep seeing you like I did today," Minhyuk sighed, wiping his face. "Sick as shit because of a mental breakdown. In pain because of what he did to you. Throwing up and feeling bad about it, apologetic. Please, Kihyun why are you killing yourself?"

I just turned away, walking to the front door. "Goodnight, Minhyuk. Thank you. I love you." I smiled at him and he faked one back, wiping his tears again. 

His words lingered with me throughout the entire car ride. 

When we got to the mansion, I sighed out a deep sigh. I still had to give Jihyun a bath. "Hey, baby!" Taehyung smiled. I faintky reciprocated his grin, kissing him on the cheek. 

"Hey," I exhaled. "I'm gonna go get her ready for bed and then you can show me the camera." I looked at the stairs as my biggest challenge ever. I couldn't walk up those.

Taehyung noticed my apprehension. "I can give her a bath."

I immediately declined the offer. "Thanks but no." I stated, taking a step onto the stairs.

Tae laughed a bit, "What, do you think I'll molest her or something?" And so it began.

"Wonho only trusts me and Minhyuk to handle her. Sorry." I stated bluntly.

As I began to actually walk up the stairs, Taehyung yelled after me. "So that whore can do that for her, but I can't?"

I turned and looked at him. "No, you can't." Wonho never told me anything like this. I was the one who didn't trust him. "And weren't you the one calling the whore to come get me?" With that I went upstairs, ignoring the burning pain in my hips. I got to the bathroom and just ran a bath in the sink. I was just gonna wash Jihyun up. She was sleepy and I didn't want to wake her up a lot.

After her "bath" I went and laid her down in her room, leaving the nightstand lamp on and the door open. 

"Taehyung," I called. "Come show me the video." The office where he kept video feedback was upstairs. I sat down in the office chair and waited for Tae.

He came up and started to pull up the video feedback. "Hold on, I have to do a lot of scrolling." 

He pressed play and the audio spoke up with his voice. "Oops."

I shook my head, "I wanna see what else you did to me. Don't do that." Tae nodded and backed up to when I came down the stairs.

And I watched the video. Every last part of it. "Jihyun can't see this. I'll do whatever. But don't let her see us like this." 

Taehyung sighed. "Why don't you just leave me?" He asked again.

"Come help me to bed," I said, avoiding the question. I was tired of being asked that. Taehyung laid it to rest and took me to our room before someone called him. He left to take the call and I laid down, thoroughly exhausted still. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep again. I don't know why but something told me to stick around. Minhyuk and Taehyung would call bullshit on that too. But I felt it. Some deity was trying to show me something. I just wasn't sure if it was God or Satan.


	10. ten missed calls

I woke up in the middle of the night, something resting uneasily in my soul. I got up and went back to the office where the camera software equipment was. I had to see this breakdown again. As soon as I logged into the system, Taehyung yelled out, scaring the shit out of me. "What the fuck are you doing?" He asked.

I jumped, grabbing my chest. "I jus- I wanted to see the footage again. It's bothering me." Taehyung sighed softly, coming to me. I got out of the chair and stood behind it. "No, please. I'll do whatever you want whenever you want however you want," I whined out, tears inevitably falling. "Please, just don't hurt me."

Tae frowned, taking the chair away from me, pulling me into his arms softly. "There's nothing more you need to see. You remember now." He sighed. "Let's go watch a movie, yeah?" I shook furiously in his arms, scared to answer. But I was just as equally scared to not answer. Scared he'd cuss me out and push me away from him harshly.

I shook my head. "Why'd you do this to me, Taehyung?" I asked. "Is this how you treated some of your exes?" Taehyung shook his head, running his hand through my hair. "Then why are you doing it to me?" I growled. 

Tae sighed. "Kihyun, why won't you just fucking leave?" He asked. "You've got your best friend, counting the hours until you wise up and leave me. Waiting for the moment you call him and tell him you wanna come home."

I furrowed my eyebrows, backing away from him. "H-How do you know that?" I asked, fear running through my body. 

"Relax," Tae laughed a bit. "He told me yesterday. With some very colorful language he said, 'You're a piece of fucking shit for doing this to another human. A human who loves you. I should be loving him right now. I should be the one who is blessed to have him be the last thing on my mind and in my sight when I go to sleep and the first thing on my mind and in my sight when I fucking wake up in the morning. I should be the one taking care of him just so he doesn't get to this point. Battered, tattered, broken, scarred. I should be his man. You're a fucking asshole for doing this to him. I hate you and I hope Satan fucks you in the ass on your way to Hell! I'm taking him and that little girl home. They're coming home, Kihyun is coming home.' And he seemed to say this in one straight breath." I didn't know what to say. "You have a true lover waiting for you if you'd just fucking go." I didn't understand why he was trying to get rid of me. Just when I decided that maybe I should grab my things and go, that deity told me to stick around again. Once again, I didn't really know if it was a good or bad thing. It was something. "What time is it?" Taehyung asked. 

I glanced at the clock, "Almost four in the morning." I sighed, running my hand through my hair. "Why?"

Taehyung shrugged. "I have to get ready to go to the store further out." He said. "It's boss visit time for all of my stores." I saw why that voice told me to stick around. That sounded like straight bullshit.

Instead of fighting it, I smiled. "Okay, baby." I kissed him softly. I had a bit of a test for him. I allowed myself to deepen the kiss, giving my all to him. "Before you go, how about I take you downstairs and we have a bit of fun?" I whispered in his ear, hands resting on the waistband of his pajamas.

He grabbed my hands away from him. "You're recovering."

I laughed loudly, grinning widely, aiming to hide to psychopath that was manifesting in my brain in my eyes. "That has never stopped you before. Come on, let's do something. Let's fuck around a bit, baby. Please?" I pouted.

Taehyung shook his head. "You've got a kid in that room over there and you're talking really dirty to me." He kissed down my neck softly to tease me. "Knowing damn well I'd take you right here." I smiled, pulling Taehyung closer to me.

"Except you won't," I said. "Weren't you concerned about my recovery a little bit ago?" I let my hand slip over the bulge I created there. "Poor baby," I frowned. "Looks like you'll have to take care of this yourself. I'm going back to bed. Have a safe trip. Have a good time, baby." Just like that, I left Taehyung in his office. If he wasn't up to any bullshit games, he'd come after me, dominating my entire sexual existence. Punish me with a cock ring and anal lock. When Taehyung finally did come in, he grabbed his work clothes and went to get dressed. I rolled my eyes and laid back down to bed.

Moments later, I jumped up, gasping out of shock. While doing that, I ended up inhaling hot tap water. "Don't think that I was going to allow you to talk to me like that or tease me like that, bitch. You're injured but when was the last time I gave a damn?" Taehyung slammed the cup he had down on the dresser. "Get up and do your job. Be a stay at home mom, since that's what you seem to really wanna do." With that he grabbed the rest of his things and went downstairs, leaving me again.

I sighed softly, coughing in attempt to get rid of the water I inhaled. After I composed myself, I got up and got dressed. I also changed the gauze on my neck for the bite Taehyung left. It looked awful. I just continued on, mentally numbing myself out. I was actually so exhausted with Taehyung but one thing kept me from leaving. The fear of dying at the power of his hands. I didn't want him to kill me or Minhyuk, even though he's acting like he's okay with me leaving. 

I left the bathroom, peeking into Jihyun's room before going downstairs to make myself some breakfast. I settled for a granola bar, since I couldn't make much more. It was only about five in the morning when I was done. There was nothing to do. And it's not like I could leave. 

As I began falling back asleep on the couch, I heard Jihyun crying. "Jihyun?" I called. She didn't answer me. I ran upstairs, not caring about my bum hip. I came into her room and she was sitting on the floor, crying her eyes out. "Baby girl, what's wrong?" I asked.

Jihyun sniffled, wiping her tears. I sat down on the floor with her and held her. "I miss Daddy... I want Daddy." My heart hurt for her. "I don't like that man."

I felt rage, not knowing if she just felt Taehyung's bad energy or if she didn't like him because of something he did. "Sweetheart, stop crying okay?" I asked, brushing her hair out of her face. "Why don't you like Tae Tae?" I slowly rocked her.

"He's mean." Jihyun cried. "He was in my dream being mean to you. Being mean to Minhyuk. Being mean to me." I bit my lip, tightening my grasp on her.

I shushed her. "Was he mean to you in real life?" 

Jihyun shrugged. "I wanted to you to read me a story. He yelled at me. You were sleeping. So I felt bad for almost waking you," She said.

I shook my head. "You can wake me up at any time, Mira. I'll always wake up for you, okay? Only listen to what I tell you, or what Minhyuk or Daddy tells you okay?" She nodded, sniffling. "I'll read you two stories now. But you have to stop crying okay?" Jihyun nodded, getting up and getting back in bed. While she stopped crying, I got up with a lot of struggle. Once I was up, I grabbed two book for her and laid next to her. I read her back to sleep. Taehyung can fuck with me all he wants but Jihyun is off limits and I'm for sure going to talk to him about this. But I was still wondering what this voice wanted to show me. Was this part of it? I fell asleep again wondering.

I woke up in Jihyun's room to my phone ringing crazily. I groaned, grabbing it to answer but I failed to do so. There were now ten missed calls from Hyungwon and Minhyuk. I furrowed my eyebrows and called Minhyuk back. "Why are you guys blowing up my phone at 8:30, what's wrong?" I asked.

Minhyuk sighed, "Listen." He stopped speaking and I listened in on the background sound.

"Please, don't do this to me..." Wonho whined. "Don't tie me down. I didn't mean to. Please!"

I got up and left Jihyun's room, going to the upstairs foyer. "What the fuck is going on?" I asked.

Wonho screamed out loud, cursing out his doctors. "He's going crazy... Crazier." Minhyuk answered. "He called Hyungwon telling him that if he didn't get Jihyun to visit him, he'd kill himself." I sighed, running my hand through my hair. "Hyungwon and I showed up without her and he ripped his IV out, got up, headed for the window. He needs to be on suicide watch now but he really wan-" I hung up on him. I packed a mini bag of things for Jihyun. 

"Jihyun?" I called, going and waking her up. "Good morning, Sunshine! Hey, do you want to go see Daddy today?" I asked. She sluggishly smiled. "Okay, let's get ready." I felt so bad for missing the calls. I began to text Taehyung and tell him where I was going but I ended up deleting it. I was testing him again. Jihyun got up and dressed and I went down, making her breakfast. Just a simple bowl of cereal. "Alright. You ready?" I asked. Jihyun finished her bowl and brought it to the counter and I put it up there. "Let's go." I smiled. I hid my discomfort with moving and carried on as if nothing was wrong. It was ridiculous how much shit was actually wrong.


	11. eleven regrets

We got to the hospital as soon as possible with driving safely. If I was by myself, I'd break a few rules to get there quicker. "Okay, sweetheart." I unbuckled my seat belt and looked back in the back seat. Poor baby was back asleep with her blanket over her and under her head. I chuckled lightly to myself. I got out of the car and got her things before picking her up out if her seat. She stayed asleep as we walked into the hospital. I made my way to the lobby desk to ask for Wonho's room. I knew he wasn't an ICU patient anymore. "Hi, can you tell me where Shin Hoseok's room is? I'm his brother in law." 

The secretary gave me his room and I thanked her kindly. He was on the fifth floor, room 11. I sighed, walking to the elevators. As I came upstairs, I saw Hyungwon and Minhyuk standing outside. I happened to catch a glimpse of Wonho. He happened to catch a glimpse of me. "Oh my God, is that my baby? Please, guys let me see her, please!" I watched him pull against his restraints. I glanced at Hyungwon pleadingly. He shook his head. He wasn't going to let Wonho see Jihyun and it broke my heart. I handed her off to Minhyuk and went into his room, closing the door. "No, please..." Wonho whined, pulling tightly against the restraints. 

I shushed him, pulling up a chair. "She's sleeping right now. She's excited to see you though, okay?" I took a tissue and dried his tears. "What's getting to you, Wonho? Drugs, suicidal tendencies? What's really triggering you this bad?" I ran my hand through his hair, knowing how much he could relax with skin to skin contact.

"I want to be with Seohyun... But I can't leave Jihyun. She's my baby girl and I failed her as a father. She doesn't need me around." His words were filled with remorse. "I never ever considered marrying Seohyun. Ever. I didn't think marriage was for me. Sex is a fantastic thing and it's emotionally bonding, but not as much as marriage. She died a maiden. I regret not ever getting down on one knee for her." I furrowed my eyebrows slightly. I knew he loved my sister, but not this much. "If I could right now, I'd get down on both knees for her. I'd marry her in an hour. I wanted to spend my eternity with her. Her death made me realize that. I don't want to move on. I don't want to find a new mother for Jihyun. I wanna get my love back. I regret starting that one smoke of crack. Leading to that shot of heroin. I regret putting that in front of Jihyun. I regret not appreciating what I had enough. I regret all of our pointless, petty fights. I regret leaving her to be alone for so long before I did fall for her. I regret hiding how much I actually loved her. It pains me to think she might've died thinking I didn't love her as much as I really do. I regret trying to kill myself because now they won't let me even see the part of Seohyun I have left. I regret succumbing to depression and weakness. I regret being nothing more than a biological father. I haven't done much of anything for Jihyun and now they won't let me prove how much I really do love my sweet little girl. Now, she's being raised by two people that aren't me or Seohyun. Now she's living in a house with an abuser. And I can't get to her." 

Wonho had been crying the entire time. I just held him as close as I could, despite the restraints. "Shh, it's going to be okay. Maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not next week. It'll take a while for you to bounce back. You have to work really hard at it, Wonho." My heart hurt for him more than me right now.

Wonho took a deep breath before screaming out. "God, I want my baby... Please, Kihyun. I want to see her. I want to hold her." He cried harder, almost choking himself.

I panicked a little bit. He's never cried so hard before. Not even after Seohyun and the other baby passed. He was being strong for Jihyun in that moment, even though she didn't know anything at the mere age of 39 minutes old. "Let me go talk to Hyungwon okay? I'll get you your baby." He nodded, crying to himself. I left the room, going out to the hall. Minhyuk was holding Jihyun in his arms on the floor, cooing softly to her.

"Did you explain to him why he can't see her?" Hyungwon asked.

I chuckled a little bit. "No. Because he's going to see her. Security is going to undo his restraints and he's going to hold his baby girl and I'm going to watch him do it." I said.

Hyungwon laughed and shook his head. "Are you really going to put her in danger like that?"

Minhyuk looked up at me, knowing I was getting pissed off. "Kihyun, just let it go. He can't see her." He said.

"Let it go, my ass." I looked at Hyungwon. "I'll watch him. He doesn't need guards standing by his side so he can watch his daughter. He's never hurt her and he's not going to. Let him prove himself. He's gotta find motivation to fight somehow. He needs to see her." Jihyun started waking up and Minhyuk hushed me a bit.

We stopped talking for a moment and we heard Wonho crying his eyes out. "Baby girl, I'm so sorry."

I looked at Hyungwon. He sighed. "Nurse. Can you call security up here for him? I'm ordering that his restraints be taken off. He gets an hour. That's it, Kihyun." I smiled softly. 

After a bit, security came up to his room and walked in. "I didn't do anything else, I sw-" Wonho stopped talking when he realized he was getting his restraints taken off. "What's happening? I thought I was on watch?" Security walked out and I walked in, holding Jihyun. The smile on this man's face could light up an entire city. "Oh my God..." Wonho smiled widely, tears flowing freely. 

I smiled, laying Jihyun in Wonho's arms. She woke up a little bit, looking up at him. "Daddy!" She giggled, attacking him with a hug. He held her tightly, laughing a bit.

"Hey, Mira." I sat down in the corner as he held her. "I missed you so much." She didn't respond much. She was just extremely tired, so she fell asleep on his chest again. "Thank you, Kihyun." Wonho sighed after a while.

I nodded. "You know why she went to sleep easily? Usually I have to make her tired to go to sleep. Spend the entire day running around with her." Wonho looked up at me. "She hears your heartbeat. And she needs to keep hearing that heartbeat." Wonho nodded, holding Jihyun tightly for dear life.

Unfortunately, his hour was up. Minhyuk and Hyungwon walked back in. "Wonho, time's up. You have to go to therapy." Wonho sighed, nodding and continuing to rock Jihyun.

"Can I just hold her for a little while longer?" Wonho asked. "I'm looking at her and I see the precious baby girl I brought home from the hospital after a month in the NICU. I need to look at that baby girl for a little while longer."

Before Hyungwon answered, I nodded. "Of course you can." Hyungwon death glared me and rolled his eyes before crossing his arms.

Wonho sighed softly. "Baby girl, I love you so much. You'll come home with me eventually. Daddy's just gotta stay a little longer okay?" He kissed her foreheard softly.

Hyungwon nudged Minhyuk toward Wonho. "Okay, I'll take her now." 

Wonho started crying again. "You have to lift her from my arms... Because we all know that I don't want to let her go." Minhyuk nodded and scooped Jihyun up. A doctor came in to help Wonho get to their therapist. 

After he left, Hyungwon scoffed at me. "Don't undermine my authority like that again, Kihyun." He grabbed his phone, taking a call and leaving the room.

"Minhyuk?" I asked. He looked at me, grabbing his jacket while still holding Jihyun. "Take her for the day, please?"

Minhyuk furrowed his eyebrows. "Sure, but why?" I asked.

I bit my lip. "I know Taehyung and I are going to have a fight later. One that he won't avoid for the sake of Jihyun." I heard Minhyuk's disapproving sigh. "I'll be there if you need me." I got up, giving Minhyuk the bag of things I had for Jihyun.

"Or you could come home." Minhyuk shrugged.

I shook my head. "Please. Not today." Minhyuk nodded, leaving it alone. Shortly afterward, I retreated to my truck, calling Taehyung. He didn't answer. "I'm gonna be out today. Sorry if I come home late." I left that cryptic message on his phone and started my engine. I really had some thinking to do, including wondering why Taehyung was pushing me to break up with him.


	12. twelve miles

I drove out of town. I needed to think for a moment. Taehyung has been beating my ass and now he's trying to push me away? What reason does he have to for this? He's done using me? He gained reasoning? He's leaving to go get help? I couldn't figure it out. I also worried about what Jihyun said and what Wonho said. "Living with an abuser... And I can't get to her." And Jihyun crying because Taehyung yelled at her. I didn't want Jihyun around that only on her second night in a new home. The one part that was gnawing at me was about what else did Taehyung do while I was asleep.

I drove to get away. This time I had was also needed for me to recover my mental state. I didn't understand why or how I ended up this way. That night Minhyuk confessed to me was one of the best nights of my life, despite being kicked out if my house and rushing Minhyuk to the hospital. It was the first time Minhyuk ever mentioned to me that my home was with him. Why didn't I go home to him?

Instead, we both fell into a pattern of hopping. I'd stay in a relationship for two weeks before my heart told me to give up. Minhyuk ended up clubbing a lot. He was safe when doing so, but he was also very promiscuous. He didn't hesitate to leave a club with a cute girl or a sexy guy. We could be each other's right now if I hadn't done anything like that. If I'd told him I wanted him right then and there, my life could be so different. 

I pulled over to the side of the road, putting my hazard lights on. I immediately leaned forward, gripping my steering wheel, crying. Pain was heavy on my heart. My mind kept wandering to Seohyun and how good of a sister she was.

After I was kicked out, she let me stay with her. She said I could stay there as long as I wanted, even when she moved in with Wonho. I couldn't stay in the apartment by myself, I never spent a night alone. Minhyuk had moved in with me just so I didn't. I remember when he almost left me alone. 

I came in from work, exhausted as per usual. Minhyuk was just getting ready to leave. "I thought you didn't work today?" I asked.

Minhyuk was standoffish, shrugging slightly. "They needed me."

I set my bookbag down. "I'll take you, let's go." Minhyuk went pale and I furrowed my eyebrows.

"I'm fine. I want to talk today." He sighed, taking his phone and wallet off the front table. "I'll see you later if I can." With that, he left me.

I wasn't comfortable with him walking. It wasn't a normal routine. If he walked, it'd take him over 30 minutes to get to work. After about 15 minutes of debating myself, I grabbed my keys, heading outside. I couldn't let him walk out by himself. As I got to the entrance of the apartment building, I saw someone slumped over on the front steps. I saw the green hoodie and I took a deep breath, praying that it wasn't Minhyuk. There was someone else who had that same hoodie, it was a 50/50 chance. I gingerly opened the door, trying not to hit the person. "Hey," I spoke up. "Are you okay?" I sat in front of them, shaking them slightly. They began falling forward, effortlessly. "Hey, hey, heu, whoa." I caught them and leaned them back a bit. It was Minhyuk, completely unconscious. "Oh my God!" I yelled. Jooheon came outside to see the commotion.

He gasped out, "What the fuck happened?" He screamed.

I shook my head. "I don't know, help me get him in the car!" We worked together to get him in the back seat of my car. I passed over my keys. "Haul ass, I don't care if we get ticketed, I'll pay." I held Minhyuk close to me on his back, trying to feel a pulse. It was there, beating slowly and softly. I took off his jacket, hoping the heat would stop working against his body. He was already struggling to stay alive, it didn't need to work with regulating his body temperature too. Of course, one cause was found.

Jooheon, who was already rushing to the nearest hospital, looked back in the back seat for a second. "Goddamn," he mumbled. It was a shock that Minhyuk was even able to leave the house with how many slits were in his arms.

I couldn't hold back my tears. I usually could when dealing with something like this. It wasn't unusual for Minhyuk to cause himself some sort of self harm. This time, he did it with the intent of ending it all. I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand. "Damn it, Minhyuk..." He wasn't coming to at all and I was praying that he hadn't given up yet. That he was realizing that death wasn't what he wanted. That he was going to fight. He wasn't brain dead yet, I know he could still think these things. All I could do was caress him, mumbling how much I needed him to stay alive.

"We're here," Jooheon said, getting out.

I followed his lead, jumping out and then slowly pulling him into my arms. "This is for the ambulance, you can't enter here," said a security guard.

I was overly defensive and sensitive at this point. "Yeah, well, your ambulances are here and not on a call. Meanwhile, I've got a 19 year old male here who tried to kill himself. You can chill on the rules for a second." The security guard left his post to come help me. "No, don't take him. I can carry him, just let me in. Get me to doctors immediately. Fuck checking in."

The security guard nodded, letting me and Jooheon in to the hospital. He swiped his passkey and opened up to the trauma center. "What do we have here?" A three doctors rushed over to us.

The security guard began to explain, but I just cut to the chase. "My friend tried to kill himself. He's 19, he's got depression and anxiety and he's allergic to penicillin." I laid him down into bed. "He's blood type A." I said, giving up the last bit of information.

"What, you think he needs a blood transfusion?" A doctor asked, listening to his slowing heartbeat. 

I sighed, slowly breaking back down into tears. "Considering I just carried him inside, with his slit arms on mine and I don't have any blood on me, maybe he does." I examined my arms. There was not one drop of crimson on me. 

The doctors looked at his arms. They were extremely pale. "Someone bring type A, and take them out to a waiting room." Someone walked over to lead us away and I didn't resist like I'd expected myself to.

We sat in the waiting room for days, it felt like. The sun had only gone down, so I knew we were still on a Tuesday. "Kihyun," Jooheon sighed. "You need to eat. Please." He'd brought me snacks until dinner time. I shook my head.

"I won't eat until I know Minhyuk's okay." I couldn't stomach food and I didn't expect myself to. I couldn't shake the image of this. Minhyuk was never going to work. He was going to sit on the front steps until he passed out. That made me nauseous in itself.

A few more minutes passed. Shortly after, but not soon enough, a doctor came and talked to me. Minhyuk was okay. I was okay to go see him. He only wanted me. I followed the doctor to where he was, trying to smile a bit. Seeing Minhyuk finally move again brought me back to tears. "Oh my God," I covered my face, crying. Minhyuk reached out to me, wanting a hug. I walked up to him and he threw his arms around me. "Don't you ever try this again, Minhyuk. Don't you fucking dare."

Minhyuk nodded, "I won't. You most definitely have my word. I don't want this." I just remember crying into his arms, as if I was the one struggling. 

I came back to my reality and it was dark now. I was out on the side of the road and I had been for a while now. I screamed, hitting any and everything around me. Now, it was me who wanted to end it and leave everything behind. I knew I was having an anxiety attack the moment I screamed out. I couldn't relieve it myself and I was trapped. I struggled to take off my seat belt and I most definitely couldn't open my door. "Fuck!" I screamed. "Please, get me out of here! I can't fucking breathe!" I cried until the feeling passed. I had to go back to Taehyung. Torn up inside and disheveled outside, I started driving the 12 miles back to the mansion. 

I got home, faced with questions. "Where the fuck were you?" Taehyung yelled. I looked at him, eyes dull and hurt. 

I looked away. "I drove. I needed to think. And I thought about the wrong thing." 

Taehyung slapped me, hard. "What, thinking about leaving me? Do you need more help making that decision?" I looked up at him, anger driving me insane. I pushed him off of me.

"I fucking hate you!" I screamed, tears threatening to flow. "Why do you want me to leave you so fucking much? If you fucking care, which I know you don't, I was on the side of the road about twelve miles away bawling my goddamn eyes out. I had an anxiety attack and couldn't get myself out of the goddamn car because I kept locking it instead of unlocking it!" I fell down to the ground, covering my internal organs. I knew he was going to punch me or kick me. When he didn't do anything, I looked up. And he looked at me as if he was offering me to keep talking. "Wonho almost killed himself again in the hospital. He's restrained. He doesn't trust me to have Jihyun. Because of you. That little girl is my only other will to live. You took the rest of my life away. Do you want me dead?"

Taehyung kneeled down, holding my face in his hands. "You'd be a lot better that way." He roughly pushed my face away, standing up and walking away from me. "You can throw a tantrum all you want. I don't care. Just be in that room, ready to let me do whatever I want in twenty minutes." He walked off and went into his office. I whimpered to myself softly.

I grabbed my phone, calling Minhyuk. "Kihyun? Jihyun is asleep, she went down easy." When he heard my sobbing, he became worried. "Kihyun, what's wrong?"

I took a deep breath. "Do you remember, Tuesday, May 12th?" I asked.

Minhyuk went silent for a bit. "The day I tried to ki-" I cut him off, crying out.

"Minhyuk, I'm there. I'm there and I can't get out." I cried until my chest hurt. "I want to escape. And I don't want to be found. I want to be saved. Either it's by someone or by the barrel of a gun, I don't care anymore. I'm there and I don't think I can come back." I had nothing more to say and I hung up, not wanting him to change my mind.

I pulled myself together and went upstairs, going to our room. I don't remember when I started believing there was someone out there, listening to me. But I mumbled to myself. "God, I don't want this anymore. Let me be with my sister, please. I need her..." I kept quiet once I heard Taehyung come upstairs.

He opened the door, one word falling from his mouth like straight venom.

"Strip."


	13. thirteen stairs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of PTSD like anxiety/panic attacks  
> Sexual abuse

I didn't do something right. So, it deserved me getting thrown down thirteen stairs. Then another thirteen. If Taehyung wanted to kill me, he should've done it already. "Go get the girl. She's not staying with Minhyuk." Taehyung said, standing over me. I was only shirtless, bruising immediately due to the blunt force against my body.

"She has a fucking name," I mumbled raspily. "Jihyun is not coming here while you're beating my ass." 

Taehyung chuckled a bit. "Whose fault is it that I'm beating your ass right now?" He grabbed my entire body, pulling me up and slamming me into the front door. "I want the girl here. Now." I don't know who the fuck he thought he was to demand to for my goddaughter.

I winced out in pain. "I think the fuck not, you controlling ass bastard." I tried pushing him off of me. "The fuck you want her for? She's got nothing to do with you." 

Taehyung laughed. "Oh doesn't she?" He asked, cryptically. 

My question and worst fear kept creeping up in the back if my mind. "What the fuck did you do to her?" I asked. "You can do anything you want to me. That innocent little girl is off fucking limits." I got out of Taehyung's grip, ducking under his arm.

"It's nothing I haven't done with you before." My eyes widened and I couldn't tell if he was fucking with me so I'd leave or if he was actually a sick bastard. 

I shook my head. "With me? That's a lot different than saying 'to me.' What the fuck did you do to her?!"

"Go bring her home," he demanded.

I scoffed, going to our laundry room and grabbing a shirt and taking my keys. "This is not a fucking home. For either of us." I opened the door and slammed it as I left. I called Minhyuk but he wouldn't answer.

It was about nine or so when I finally got to Minhyuk's house. I knocked on the door and called him. Nothing. I noticed he left his living room curtains open. I gasped when I saw what was happening. Fervently, I searched his porch for his key, as I didn't bring mine. When I found it, I quickly opened his front door. "Hey bud," I spoke softly to not frighten him. He was laying in the floor, shaking. I placed my hand on his chest and he glanced over in my direction. He couldn't speak, only moan in panic. There wasn't much to do when he had an episode like this. Just hold him tightly and make him feel like no one could get him. "Hey, hey," I whispered. "Minhyuk, it's Kihyun. No one's gonna get you. You're okay." I kissed his forehead, softly running my hand through his hair. As he leaned against my chest, I helped him sit up before using my other hand to slowly massage his jaw. "You're okay, you're not choking... You gotta open your mouth though, you can't breathe." Minhyuk shook his head, crying by now. I stopped trying to unclench his jaw and went back to only holding him. "Okay, I'll stop..." I hated this. The fact that I couldn't bring him out of this. It made me feel helpless.

About ten minutes passed of him panicking and crying. He hadn't unclenched his jaw yet and he hadn't stopped shaking. He began to breathe raspily. I had to open his jaw up by now. Slowly, I pushed his bottom jaw down, waiting for a small pop feeling. Simultaneously with the pop feeling, Minhyuk took a deep breath, exhaling sharply. "Oh God," he whispered. He tried to get up but I tightened my grip on him softly.

"No, no..." I mumbled. "Don't try to get up right now. You're okay." Minhyuk relaxed, now that he'd thoroughly paid attention to my voice. I let him stay there on the floor with me for a while. 

Minhyuk sniffled a bit, "Why are you here?" He asked.

I shrugged, trying to keep myself calm enough to talk to him and not make him upset. "Taehyung wants Jihyun home tonight. I don't know why he cares. But he wants her home tonight."

Minhyuk sighed softly. "I don't want her to go with you tonight. But because I'm currently not able to take care of her, it's probably best if she went with you." He said, slowly sitting up. The moonlight caressed his face, creating a soft luminescence around him.

"What happened?" I asked, sitting up a bit more.

Minhyuk shrugged. "I just kind of remembered everything. It was sudden. But I felt like I was back there. I couldn't focus on anything else. I couldn't drag myself out." I nodded, understanding completely.

His panic attack was a lot more tame than they had been back when we lived together. I remember the first time I ever witnessed one.

We were sophomores in high school and Minhyuk skipped two class periods. We had one in the morning and two closer to lunch. He was in our morning class. He wasn't sick during that class either. I asked my teacher if I could leave before I had an anxiety attack. That wasn't a complete lie. I was so worried about Minhyuk, I couldn't work. I had to leave. She let me go and I rushed to look for Minhyuk.

I found him in a hallway away from the main halls of the school. "Please, I swear I'll fix everything when I get done with tech stuff. I have to attend these tech rehearsals, you can't take me out of them, please. Please, Nicky, you can't do this." He was shaking and crying while he was on the phone. 

"I don't care. I told Ms. Sadie I'd take care of you and these bad grades of yours. Teching for this show isn't mandatory. I have the right to take you out of whatever I want. You get home and you do what I say." I never did like his foster brother.

Minhyuk whimpered out. "Nicky, no. Please I'll do anything."

Nicky chuckled. "Oh I know you will. Now shut the fuck up and go back to class." He hung up before Minhyuk could say anything else.

Minhyuk looked at his phone and threw it down the hallway and screaming out. He leaned forward into his lap and reached up into his hair, pulling roughly on it. "Minhyuk, hey hey, what's going on?" I ran over to him and kneeled in front of him, taking his hands into mine. Minhyuk shook his head, crying and fighting against me. I physically pinned him against the lockers so he'd calm down.

He only got more riled up. "I'm sorry! Please, don't hurt me. I don't want it. Please!" 

My face softened, letting go of him immediately. "Hey, I'm not going to do anything to you. Minhyuk, why would you think I'd do something to you?" I asked.

Minhyuk just moaned out before trying to throw up, only resulting in dry heaving. "Hey, hey. Sit up." I pulled him up into my arms. He only hyperventilated heavily.

Crying out loud, he yelled. "It hurts! Please make it stop!" 

I threw his arms over my shoulders, holding him tightly. "Shh, what hurts?" He couldn't answer me.

He pushed me away, thinking he was going to throw up again. "Oh God! Please, stop this! It hurts. Make it stop, Kihyun, I can't breathe!" I scanned his body to see if there was anything I could loosen on him to get him some air. I couldn't do anything. It almost all stopped instantaneously when his jaw locked up. He let out whistling air through his throat and hyperventilated through his nose instead. Minhyuk glanced over at me and pleaded for me to do something through his eyes. He was shaking so much, the lockers behind him were rattling.

Taking action, I scooted closer to him, almost straddling him. "What do you need me to do?" I asked. He pointed to his jaw. "You want me to unlock your jaw?" He nodded quickly. I started with massaging his jaw under his ear before using my thumbs to push down on his jaw, popping it and unlocking it. He started breathing through his mouth again, groans ceasing to exist. I swear to God, that was a panic attack due to something traumatic. I didn't think I even wanted to know what the traumatic thing was by now.

Minhyuk lost all of that anxious energy, laying himself down in my lap. As he grabbed onto my waist, he sighed in relief. "Thank you..." He mumbled. I just sat and played with his hair until he was ready to speak. "I never told you this... There's a reason I hate Nicky so much. Hate being around him. Hate that my mom gives up all her power to him. And because he's a military man and five years older than me, he thinks he can do anything he wants." I didn't want to know but I didn't want to shut Minhyuk down. "Ever since I was 10 and Nicky was 15, he's been punishing me. Ms. Sadie just dropped all responsibility of me. Once you reach the age of ten in that household, Nicky is your guardian until you find a new home or move out. Except he scared me so much I wouldn't even try to do something to get me rehomed." I nodded, following along. "So many different types of abuse... Mental, emotional, physical." I dropped my jaw slightly as Minhyuk began to cry again. "Sexual..." I shushed him, pulling him tighter into my arms.

"It's okay, you don't have to go further. You can stay at my place for a while. You're never a burden. Please..." I wanted to cry with him.

Minhyuk shook his head. "I have to go home today and I never want to. But especially it today. I know what's waiting." 

I couldn't save him. I knew that until he finally moved out. But his anxiety attacks always came afterward and I just had to keep telling him that Nicky wasn't around. That he wasn't coming near him. I wanted to kill Nicky for everything he did to Minhyuk.

I looked at the time. "I can stay here tonight if you need me to. It's okay." Minhyuk shook his head, pushing himself off of me and standing up. 

"You have to take Jihyun and go." He sighed.

I shook my head. "I really don't trust Taehyung with Jihyun. I want this part of me to be wrong. But I think he'll be her Nicky. And no one needs a Nicky. So, I'll stay here with you tonight."

Minhyuk didn't dispute it. I got up and walked him to bed before getting him some water and crackers. "Goodnight, Minhyuk..." I smiled softly, leaving his room.

"No," Minhyuk whined. "Stay with me. Please?" I nodded, walking to the other side of his bed, climbing in. He laid his head on my chest, sighing softly. 

I was gonna pay for this later, but I didn't care. He needed me. I needed to be here for more than one reason. I slowly fell asleep next to him and shortly after, my phone rang. I did something I knew I shouldn't have.

I ignored it.


	14. fourteen voicemails

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Referenced sexual abuse  
> Referenced child abuse

I woke up in the middle of the night in the midst of a nightmare that was all fucked up. Taehyung was evil, hurting Jihyun somehow, I couldn't reach her, Wonho was dead and Minhyuk was absolute gone. I got up and went into Minhyuk's kitchen, grabbing water. I needed it to cool my burning heart. I decided to check my phone while I was up.

My phone had been rung over 50 times. And I was faced with 14 voicemails. None of them being from Taehyung. Or Hyungwon. Or Jooheon. Or Wonho. I furrowed my eyebrows, calling my voicemail.

The messages were creepy and cryptic.

"What would you do if you lost your man?"   
"Would you cry?"  
"Would you be angry?"  
"Would he die?"  
"What if you had a chance to choose again?"  
"Minhyuk? Your high school sweetheart, waiting for you?"  
"Or Taehyung? Your abuser."  
"The one who uses you."  
"The one who doesn't love you."  
"The one who wants you gone."  
"Kihyun, you're faced with plenty of choices in life."  
"And now, I have two for you."  
"Stay with Taehyung, and I'll make sure you suffer."  
"Or leave Taehyung and give me my man. Because you, Yoo Kihyun, arent worth shit to him. And he'll tell you that if you ask him honestly. Choose quickly. Your time might be running out."

I furrowed my eyebrows, turning off my phone. I didn't want to even think about all of this. I just wanted this headache to go away and to go back to bed. On my way back to bed, I heard Jihyun crying. "No, please. I won't wake him..." She whined in her sleep.

I walked into her room, turning on the lamp on the dresser. "Hey, shh... Mira, what's wrong?" I asked softly, shaking her awake.

She looked up at me before throwing her head down into my lap. "Taehyung is mean." She said.

"You told me..." I mumbled. I didn't want to ask her but I needed to. "Baby girl... Are you sure Taehyung only yelled at you?" I asked. "Like, did he only yell at you or did he put his hands on you too?" Jihyun tensed up a bit. "You can tell me, Mira. You're safe and Kihyunnie won't be mad at you. Minhyuk won't be mad at you. Hyungwon won't be mad at you. Even Daddy won't be mad at you."

Jihyun sat up a bit, crawling into my lap. "I just want to go back to sleep." She whimpered.

I sighed, "In a minute, love. Jihyun, you have to tell me if Taehyung did anything to hurt you. Anything. Remember we had a little talk before you came home? A hug is okay? Only a soft hug? He can't pull your arm, he can't spank you, you can't do anything like that or worse. And if he does, you need to tell me, Minhyuk or even call Hyungwon. So I need you to tell me now..." I took a deep breath, exhaling softly. "Did Taehyung touch you in any other way than a hug?" I wanted her answer to be no. But I couldn't show her I was angry if the answer was yes.

Jihyun nodded softly. "He grabbed my arm pretty bad." I felt uneasy. Like she was about to list things off. "And... He wanted to play a game to keep me quiet. But when he told me the rules, I said no."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "What were the rules?" I asked. Jihyun pulled me closer to her so she could whisper in my ear. "Thank you for telling me, Mira. You're not in trouble. And Taehyung won't be an issue for you anymore. Okay?" Jihyun nodded. I continued to rock her to sleep before leaving her room and going to Minhyuk. I saw red. I blacked out a bit and when I came back into the light, all I could see was red. "Minhyuk." I woke him up, trying not to yell. 

Minhyuk stirred slowly before I yanked the covers off, completely waking him up. "Kihyun? What's going on?" He sat up quickly.

I looked him dead in the eye. "What if I died tomorrow night?" I asked softly. 

"Why? What for?" Minhyuk asked, standing up and walking to me.

I glared at him, anger pulsating through my veins. "A murder suicide." I stated blankly. Minhyuk held my face tightly, trying to calm me down. "Taehyung hurt that little girl. And I failed to protect her. What if I killed him and me in the same fatal blow? What would you do?"

Minhyuk shook his head. "Slow down. What did he do to her? How'd he hurt her?" He asked.

"He wanted to play a little game with her. And..." I couldn't bring myself to repeat what she told me. "Nicky," I said. Minhyuk got it then. "I swear to God, I'll kill him." I looked at the time. It was about four in the morning. Minhyuk went to try to convince me otherwise and I shook my head, pulling him into a kiss. 

Minhyuk let the kiss go on for a bit before pushing me off. "What the fu-"

I cut him off. "In case we never see each other again. I love you and I always have and I'm sorry for being a fucking idiot and putting myself through this for you to fix later." I let go of him, walking out into the living room.

"Kihyun, don't." Minhyuk followed me into the living room. "You don't want to do this."

I turned and looked at him. "But I will." I opened the front door. "Give Jihyun all the hugs and kisses she could possibly ever have. Make her know she's loved. Let her know how much her uncle loved her. Tell her all about her mother. The good things about her mother. And wait until it's your turn, Minhyuk. I'll wait for you. But don't you dare leave before you're supposed to." I left the house, Minhyuk following me to the front porch, screaming after me. I stopped listening. One thing was on my mind. Avenging Jihyun and ending Taehyung.

Next part of this entire ordeal. I had time to think about who the fuck called me. I couldn't figure out who it could possibly be. No one I knew had a voice like that. I prayed to God that he'd have mercy on what was left of my soul. That he'd understand why I had to do this. That he'd let me into Heaven for helping get rid of one of Satan's minions. I had plans for Taehyung and I. Plans for our last day on this fucking earth.

I pulled up to the mansion, getting out and slamming the door. My heartbeat pumped into my eardrums, hurting them immensely. I didn't care. I opened the front door and walked in, sweet as could be. I walked into the living room and saw Taehyung there with someone else. Laughing and smiling over work documents. Nothing was that damn giddy about work. They both looked up at me. "Hey, babe..." Taehyung said, jaw dropping slightly.

"You never returned my calls," the other said with a laugh on his voice.

I smirked softly. "And you were never really hanging out with Shownu, now were you Changkyun?"

He gasped slightly. "How do you know about that?" He asked.

"Jooheon has never stopped complaining about your guys' 'relationship' for the seven years you've been together. And I know why." I said, folding my arms.

Changkyun leaned closer to Taehyung, pouting and mocking me "And why is that?" He asked.

I smirked, "Because you're a fucking whore." Changkyun stood up, ready to come for me. I didn't budge. I could kill two fuckers today, whatever worked. 

Taehyung got in between us. "Changkyun, baby, you should go." He said, standing in front of me.

Changkyun smiled smuggly, wrapping his arms around Taehyung's neck, kissing him roughly. "Gladly." He walked by me, heading for the front door. "Bye, baby. See you tomorrow." With that he left.

"What did I do to lose you?" I asked, milking this for all it was worth.

Taehyung punched me in the lip, busting it. "Next time, maybe you'll leave when someone tell you to. You fucking idiot." He rushed upstairs, slamming the bedroom door.

I chuckled to myself, mumbling. "Ooh, baby boy... Don't worry about me." I wiped the blood off of my face. "It's over for you, you son of a bitch."


	15. fifteen ways

I had no more patience for Taehyung. He crossed the line. He hurt my niece. I could take anything he wanted to give Jihyun. I was supposed to. His hands weren't to be put on her in any way.

I grabbed a piece of paper, writing out a list. I titled the list "15 Ways to Kill". I didn't expect this to come out clean. I didn't expect to get away scot free. The victims always get caught when they're defending themselves and the ones they love. Never the abusers. Why not go out with a bang? Bang... There was number one.

1) Shoot him.  
It'd be loud, alerting neighbors. It'd be messy and too much of my DNA on the weapon. Next.

2) Slit his throat.  
DNA on the weapon, once again a con. But at least he'd suffer and choke with every pathetic word he'd try to speak.

3) Kick his ass.  
An eye for an eye. He's knocked me unconscious plenty of times. But I knew how to punch him in a way that would leave him defenseless and well on the way to death.

4) Suffocation.  
I could always tie a plastic bag over his head as he slept... But I wanted to hear him beg me for mercy.

5) Poison.  
A simple poison to kick in right when he expects to be getting some from me. So far, our leader.

I wrote taunting things. Electrocuting him by throwing a radio in his bath, lighting him on fire, choking him. So many things I could do to him for hurting that innocent little girl.

I smiled as I went on during the day, doing my normal everyday housewife duties. That grin was there as I knew this shit was about to end. All of the pain and suffering was going to be over. This is what that deity was trying to tell me. I had the power to end this. And it was most definitely Satan trying to talk to me. Thank you. 

Taehyung woke up at around noon. "It's time for me to be honest, now that you've seen it all." He admitted. I looked up from my baking to let him explain. "I never loved you. Not one bit. But you know what happens to virgins on their first time. They get attached. You were attached to me. You would let me do any and everything I could to you. You believed there would be love there. You imagined being with me for a while. How would I know this?" He finished.

I shrugged. "Dunno, how would you know this?"

He chuckled. "I know this because virgins believe their first time is their forever." I nodded, continuing to pour my vanilla extract into the cake batter. "You wouldn't leave me. Not even for the man who has loved you truly for nine years, if not more, of your life. Virgins are dumb. Their virginity isn't that damn precious." Taehyung walked toward the kitchen island, hovering around me. "Changkyun has been my secretary for two years now. And he's been with Jooheon for seven? And fuck, Jooheon is so fortunately unfortunate." I furrowed my eyebrows at him.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked, looking at him.

Taehyung smiled the biggest shit eating grin that I ever did see. "Changkyun is the perfect boy toy. He can do magnificent things, baby. This counter has seen some shit. Jooheon is a lucky man when it comes to his sex life. I don't know why he expects Changkyun to stay with him and love him though. He's been with me for two years. He won't stay anywhere. He knows he's a pass around."

I nodded, putting the knife down after cutting the butter. "I still don't see where your explanation lies." Taehyung nodded, standing back.

"You were always disposable. I could always have another. I've never enjoyed fucking with someone so much. I'm almost sorry it had to be you. Changkyun's it. He's the one who can fulfill my every wish and with no commitment." Taehyung shrugged. "We've been fucking before you came into the picture. And we'll be fucking when you rip yourself out of it. There's my explanation. There was never an us, a you and me, Kihyun. There never will be. So take your time to leave. It's not gonna change me at all." Taehyung went into his office, shutting the door. I sighed, turning back to my cake. It was ready to bake. The beginning of the end.

Later that night, I made a fantastic dinner. The best I've ever made. Even those on death row get a last meal choice. We talked and had a nice civil conversation. I was almost sad that we'd never have these again. But, Jihyun was more important. "Tae, I made cake for you and me. The orange frosted one is yours and the purple frosted one is mine."

"Why are they different?" Taehyung asked.

I took a sip of water. "There's coconut in mine. You're allergic." Taehyung nodded, getting up to get himself a slice. I smiled to myself to see him so satisfied with that first decadent bite. I hope the rest of it fills him up.

"Mm," Taehyung wiped his mouth after eating a chunk of his cake. "That is great. Why have you never baked before?"

I shrugged. "With everything else going on, I never had time to." I got up, cleaning up the kitchen and making everything nice and neat. By the end of the night, this mansion would be vacant. Except for one thing. "I know, Changkyun is better than I am..." I walked over to Taehyung, sitting on his lap, grinding softly. "But what about one final goodbye? One last ride before the park closes?" Taehyung nodded, attacking my lips.

He picked me up, going to his bedroom. Only a matter of minutes at this point. "You want me to wreck you, don't you?" I nodded eagerly, grinding my crotch into Taehyung's. He gasped out in pain.

I furrowed my eyebrows, feigning surprise. "Oh my God, did I do it too hard?" I asked. Taehyung shook his head, scrunching his face up in confusion and in pain.

"I- I think... It's not my dick," Taehyung held his hand over his heart. "It's my chest." Taehyung tried to ignore the pain in his chest, continuing to feel me up. "Ah, fuck!" He yelled, sitting up rapidly. "My chest..."

I got up, walking away from the bed. Taehyung got up to follow me. He still wanted this last fuck from me. Instead, he dropped to his knees, trying to find comfort. "Do you think it was the cake?" I asked.

Taehyung furrowed his eyebrows. "Why would it be the ca-" He gasped in pain and a look of realization flashed across his face. "Wh-What did you do to me?" He asked. "Kihyun, what'd you fucking do to me?"

Tears of relief and satisfaction began to fall, paired with light laughter. "I knew I'd get the balls to walk away from you." I said. "You piss poor excuse of a man... Wanna know why I did this? Why you deserve this?" Taehyung looked at me, tears in his eyes. "I told you not to fucking touch my niece. She's my fucking baby girl. You could beat my ass forever, you wouldn't be dying like this right now. That's my baby, my innocent baby. And now you've fucking ruined her. She will never smile in her sleep as easily as she used to. She'll never not be afraid of people now. You broke her spirit. You broke her heart. You broke her." I wiped my tears, taking a deep breath. "And now?" I walked up to where he was on the floor, tilting his face to look at me. "Now, I break you. You son of a bitch." I threw his face down as harshly as he's done to me.

Taehyung reached and grabbed my pant leg. "Please, Ki- Oh fuck..." He let go of me to cover his mouth. I backed up out of his reach. The joy I felt as he threw up blood was surreal. This felt like a dream. But it was all too real.

I cried even harder. I was so immensely happy. When did Taehyung break me down to being psychotic? I guess no one would believe that Kim Taehyung, CEO, was an abuser. Especially coming from a crazy ex-boyfriend. He wanted me to be crazy. No one believes crazy. "I thought I was special to you... I was lonely, so I misunderstood." Taehyung tried crawling toward me and I kept taking steps back. "You will never, ever put your hands on me like that ever again. You will never put your hands on Jihyun ever again. And I hope Satan fucks you in the ass all the way to Hell. Deja vú, baby?" I asked, standing over him. "I hope Satan makes you his bitch so you know exactly what it feels like to cower in fear every time someone says your fucking name. To cry whenever someone raises their voice a single fucking decibel. To look behind your back everywhere you go because you think he's there. To know what it feels like when your body is no longer yours. It belongs to him, available to use whenever he fucking wants it." I had never stopped crying all the while. I was nowhere near sad either. Blessed was the better word.

"C-Cameras... They'll see this. They'll know," Taehyung said. "Kihyun, baby please. H-help me." The mercy plead I wanted to hear.

I chuckled. "Nah baby boy... Those were shut off hours ago. And after you die, the poison will be right in your hand. A note next to you. And I'll be long gone. They ain't gonna know shit." I grabbed my phone and wallet, making sure every piece of I.D. I owned was with me.

Taehyung shook his head. "Kihyun... I'm sorry. I love you. I do. Please, save m-" His eyes rolled back into his head as he fell onto his back. He tried speaking more only to repeatedly stutter on the word "me". I watched as the blood foamed out of his mouth. It was almost over. I grabbed the empty bottle of poison that was in a towel, placing it in his head as he seized, choking on his own blood. As I left the note by his mouth, I scoffed. "Fuck you, you son of a bitch." I mumbled, leaving his dying body on the floor over his bedroom.

I left the house, calling out to him. "I'll be right back baby! Love you!" I closed the door, getting in my truck and driving away. I turned on my phone and dialed Minhyuk. "Kihyun! Where the fuck have you been? You had me worried sick! Don't you ever fuck with me like that again."

I gulped a bit, "Minhyuk?" I asked. "I'm coming to your house. I've got over five million with me..." I turned onto the highway.

"For what?" He asked.

I drove like a bat out of hell down the highway. "For you to post my bail, baby."

I heard Minhyuk gasp. "No, you fucking didn't!" He yelled. "Are you fucking insane?" I nodded before remembering he couldn't see me.

"Yes, I am." I sighed, breaking into tears again. "He did it to me... He shouldn't have fucking touched her, Minhyuk. Don't tell me the first thing you thought about when I told you wasn't "I'll kill the bastard." You can't tell me that wasn't your immediate thought. I did what was right." I took an exit heading toward Minhyuk's place.

Minhyuk went silent for a bit. "It did, but I also thought about telling Hyungwon first. Get him locked up. Not fucking dead."

I shrugged my shoulders, turning on my signal. "Well, now he's locked up in Hell. Open your door." I pulled up into Minhyuk's driveway. 

I hung up and jumped out. Minhyuk ran out of his house, hugging me tightly. This time when I cried, I cried in shock. As in, "Holy fuck, I just killed a man." As I crumbled to the ground, Minhyuk fell with me. I couldn't stop crying and I attached myself to him, gripping onto him for dear life. My life depended on him in this moment. 

Because holy fuck, I just killed a man.


	16. sixteen plans

Minhyuk pulled me into his arms as I just lost my shit. "Oh my God, I did it..." I was shaking so much.

It started raining down on us, like God himself was crying with me. "Come on, you gotta get up and come inside now." Minhyuk said, trying to stand up.

"No," I cried, holding onto his waist.

He sighed, unlatching my arms from his waist, standing up. "You're a suspect. You don't know who's found him yet, you don't know if anyone knows. You can't be seen."

I nodded, standing up and following him inside. "I have a plan. I left the house, giving him a suicide note and placing the empty poison bottle in his hands. My prints aren't on anything that has to do with his "suicide." I brought it all here and we need to burn it." I said, panicking. "When we do all of this, I'll nonchalantly come home and then call 119 because he's dead on the floor." I threw my bag on the floor, opening it up.

"Kihyun, what makes you think I'll help you with this?" Minhyuk asked.

My eyes widened a bit, not expecting this bit of refusal. "You get me now. I'm yours to love and to have. And you're mine to love and to have. We can't do that if I'm locked up. I have five million worth of hush money and or bail." I was bribing him like a motherfucker. I knew I had done something extremely fucked up and hard to get around, but I couldn't do it alone.

Minhyuk turned and looked to where the bedrooms are. "You chose to give it all up. Someone's gotta be here to help her through it all." He stood by the couch, sighing deeply.

"I chose to avenge her. I chose to get revenge for her. I chose to make him pay for what he did," I yelled. "How are you going to help her when you're still struggling?"

His face fell and he immediately snapped back at me. "Are you calling me fucked up?" Minhyuk asked, folding his arms.

I shrugged. "Aren't we all?"

Minhyuk went to argue his point but he sighed. "Fine. Fine, Kihyun..." He looked up to the ceiling, probably apologizing to Jesus. "What needs to be burned?" He asked.

I smiled softly. "The utensils I used to cook with, they need to be washed and bleached and washed again. The remaining cake needs to be burned. My clothes, they need to be burned. Do you have anything I can change into?" 

Minhyuk led me to his room, going in his drawers. "Don't touch anything in here," he warned. He grabbed some clothes I'd left here before. "Come on," Minhyuk pointed, leading me to his bathroom. He put the clothes on the floor. "Stand in the bath and take off everything." I nodded, climbing in. I took of the shirt, putting it on the floor off to the side. The rest of my clothes made the rest of the pile. "Okay, here's a towel I'll burn later..." Minhyuk turned on the water, pouring some soap on the towel. 

"I can do this part," I insisted.

Minhyuk shook his head, "Don't fucking touch anything!" I sighed, standing still as he washed me completely. "Okay, here." Minhyuk handed me a towel to dry off with.

I stepped out of the bath, getting dressed. "Okay, now let me burn this shit." Minhyuk grabbed a trash bag and I put everything the poison touched in it. I walked into the kitchen, taking the plate the cake was on and throwing the cake in there too before heading out to the backyard. I opened up his fire pit and put the bag in there. After pouring a bunch of lighter fluid on everything, I tossed a lit match in there and watched everything be engulfed in flames.

After sitting there for a while, making sure things were burning correctly, I went back inside to see Minhyuk washing the dishes. "Bathroom's clean." He was working so hard to clean. I almost felt bad only for him. He looked like he was terrified.

"Minhyuk?" I asked, walking up to him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and he slowed down his washing. Sobs were following shortly after. "Hey, hey..." I hugged him tightly, making him put down the dishes.

Minhyuk leaned his head back into my shoulder, crying. "I'm sorry..." He whispered. "I-I couldn't have done it to him. I couldn't have killed him. Oh my God, that little girl..." I shushed him, wiping his tears, tightly holding onto him. "She's gonna be so fucked up... She doesn't deserve it. No one deserves it."

As I braced my arms around him, Minhyuk grabbed onto my forearms, crying hard. I knew what he was on about. It was mostly about Jihyun's future, but it was based off of Minhyuk's present. "You made it, okay?" I whispered, kissing his cheek. "Neither you or Jihyun have to deal with either of them every again." Minhyuk shook his head.

"Why couldn't I have done this?" He asked. "Nicky's still out there. Why couldn't I have done this? Jihyun for sure won't have to deal with Taehyung. Nicky could come for me anytime he wants." Minhyuk cried out and threw his arms down onto the counter.

I was confused. I couldn't tell anymore if he was terrified of being caught, Jihyun experiencing attacks like him or if he was terrified of Nicky coming for him again. "Shh, Minhyuk..." I mumbled, holding his waist. Sometimes it calmed him, sometimes it didn't. I couldn't ever tell when it was okay to do it.

"I'm scared," He wailed. "I'm so fucking scared."

I sighed softly, kissing his head, holding onto him tighter. "You're not there in the little brown house... You're in a field of light pink dahlias." Dahlias were his favorite flowers, I tried to take his mind there whenever this happened. He was starting to fall back into a panic attack and I had to try to break him out of it before he went too far. 

Minhyuk shook his head, leaning back into my shoulder. "Stop," He whined. "Stop, stop, please."

I let go of him quickly, not trying to lead him down that path. Then there came the wheezing. "Fuck," I mumbled, pulling him back into my arms, sitting on his kitchen floor with him. "Shh, shh." I hugged him tightly, caressing his head softly. "Field of dahlias, Minhyuk." His wheezing was getting worse so I laid him down on his back in my lap. It sounded like he was choking and dry heaving all at the same time. He was staring off into space, eyes wide open and it was terrifying to watch. "Minhyuk?" I asked, looking in his drawers for an inhaler. "Hey, hey, calm down. Nicky's not here. He's not going to be here." There was nothing and he was about to pass out. I groaned, picking him up and taking him to his room as quickly as I could. I laid him down, trying to open his jaw up. "Okay, Minhyuk," I sighed. "I gotta pop it again." He nodded, eyes still wide open. I turned on his oxygen machine before popping his jaw open. I placed the mask over his face as he gasped for breath. "There you go... You're in a field of light pink dahlias," I smiled kindly at him. "Are you okay?" He nodded sleepily. "I'm gonna go put out the fire and then go home. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" Minhyuk grabbed onto my hand. "Baby, I'm coming back. I promise." I kissed his hand and he let go, nodding.

I sighed, going to my truck, driving back to the mansion. When I pulled up, I saw Changkyun's bougie ass car in the driveway. I rolled my eyes, getting out. "My baby hasn't called me yet," he said, waiting for me. "I get nervous."

I smiled glaringly. "I bet you do. Worried he's gonna fuck his assistant instead of his secretary?" I asked, heading to the door. "I just took some of my things away. I'm coming back for the others." Changkyun stood on one hip.

"Let me in. I wanna see him." I rolled my eyes again, putting my key in the door. 

Changkyun followed me inside. "Taehyung?" I called. "Your bitch is here! I'm here too." Changkyun's mouth dropped and I smiled at him. He sat in the living room and I searched for Taehyung I went into the bedroom and screamed. "Oh my fucking God!"

I ran out of the bedroom, tears threatening to spill. "What?" Changkyun asked, worry popping through his eyes. 

I took a deep breath, shakily letting it out. "Call 119," I said. "Now!" I turned and ran back into the bedroom and Changkyun ran after me. 

"Oh my God!" Changkyun yelled, "Taehyung!" His voice broke as he grabbed his chest. "No, no, please..." 

I leaned down and grabbed his note. "Kihyun, I'm sorry for everything I've done to you. Jihyun. I'm sorry." I gasped, tears flowing. 

Changkyun tore the note out of my hand. "He really loved you, Kihyun. But... Wh-what'd he do to Jihyun?" He asked. 

I looked down at Taehyung, crying so much. "Awful things... I don't even want to say them." I went to the house phone, calling 119. "Hi, I have a 22 year old male, dead. He left a note... It's my ex-boyfriend. K-Kim Taehyung." Changkyun leaned against a wall, crying softly. "I don't know? He's holding a bottle of..." I read off the name of the poison. "He's got blood coming from his mouth, his ears, his eyes, his nose. I just came from visiting my goddaughter and moving out. He left an apology note to me."

Changkyun whimpered in the corner. "Tae, no..." He cried. "Why?" He screamed. "Why'd you do it?" Hearing how heartbroken he was almost made me feel bad. Almost.

"Okay, I'll be right here..." I sighed, hanging up. "They're on their way... Come here." I walked over to Changkyun and pulled him into a hug, crying with him. "I'm sorry... Even though you were the other man, I know you must've loved him. I can't hate you for being in love with him." Changkyun nodded, holding onto me. 

He cried a heartbreaking cry. "God, why?" His screams filled the dead silence of the room. "I get one good thing in my miserable life and you take it away from me!" I was no longer putting on a huge act to convince even myself that Taehyung killed himself, not that I'd murdered him. I held Changkyun tighter, although nothing could make the pain go away for him. He really loved this man.

After the police and coroner came, Changkyun walked around the living room. "Changkyun?" I asked, looking at the now empty mansion. He looked at me with the most drained, sullen, heartbroken look one could ever have. "He's got no one else to take this place. If you want it... You can live here."

He shook his head. "It'll remind me too much of him..." Changkyun smiled softly, point at the couch. "Right there? That's where he first confessed his love to me. That's where he told me he'd give me anything I needed. When I was nothing. When I was offered a job with him." He then pointed to the kitchen. "That's where he gave me this." Changkyun showed off his promise ring. "He said he wasn't ready. He got down on one knee to give this to me. He said when he was ready, he'd be on both knees waiting for me." He looked at the door. "There's where I walked into safety. No more odds and ends for me. No more crazy club nights. That's where he saw me in the rain and brought me inside. Where he began to care for me when I was done for." Changkyun smiled sadly, looking at the ground. "Thank you for the offer, Kihyun. But I can't live here. You can keep it." I shook my head.

I got what I wanted. But I sacrificed everything Changkyun wanted all in the same motion. "I'd rather sell this place... I can't live here either. If it sells, I'll give you most, if not, all the money." He sounded like he needed it. I began walking away, going to leave. I was drained from pretending to care that he was dead. 

"Kihyun?" Changkyun asked. I turned on my heel. "Thank you..." I smiled, gesturing a sign of welcome to him. "Wait. Please, tell me what he did."

I sighed, looking him in the eye. "Do you love him, Changkyun?" He nodded, tears coming to his eyes. "Then let's keep it that way. I'll be checking on you. But you're not staying here. I most definitely don't trust you here alone. You don't get to follow him. Come on." Changkyun didn't deserve what I did to him. He didn't deserve to die. He followed and I locked the mansion up. 

I drove him to Jooheon's place, watching as he explained what was happening to him. Jooheon didn't even hold the capacity to be upset with him. He just held him tightly as he cried. I felt bad for Changkyun. But I didn't feel bad for Taehyung and I didn't regret anything.

I drove back to Minhyuk's place. I came in and Minhyuk was sitting on his sofa. "Well?" He asked.

I sighed deeply, closing the door. "The little whore fucking loved him." I sat next to him on the couch. "But, he's gone. And no one suspects a thing." I leaned in and kissed Minhyuk passionately. "And I finally got smart and came around to the one who has loved me for nine years of my life." 

Minhyuk smiled, kissing me back. "It'll work out, okay?" I nodded, laying ny head in Minhyuk's lap, falling asleep almost immediately.


	17. seventeen years

In my mind, all night, was the thought of being caught. The thought of Changkyun figuring out that I killed his love. The thought of Minhyuk suffering because of me. The thought of doing 17 years at least. I knew someone that grew up with us that was still in jail. He was arrested for just being an accomplice to attempted murder. He was arrested freshman year of college and it was still a crazy thing to envision. I wonder if anyone ever truly sees themselves taking away someone's life. Joshua was arrested about four years ago... It was so mind boggling to find out how everyone progressed or degressed. How I was on the side of degression.

I got up, checking on Jihyun. She wasn't waking up or anything, so she was fine. Almost as soon as I made my way to the living room, my phone rang. "Hello?" I answered softly. 

"Kihyun," Changkyun whimpered.

I sighed in relief. "What's up?" 

Changkyun sniffled before speaking. "I loved him... He wasn't just depressed. He did something wrong. Just tell me so I can stop loving him so much." He mumbled. "So I can stop hurting so much." This kid was in agony. 

"Why would you want to stop loving him so much?" I asked. "He gave you everything." That should've been reason enough to be left in the dark.

Changkyun let out a sigh. "Trust me, I have reason to hate him too. Before he gave me everything, he took more from me. We weren't in love to begin with. I was in love with him, he just saw me as someone who owed him. Sex wasn't love to begin with. It was payment. So yes, I was his bitch. I was his whore. I've been one for 17 years." My jaw dropped slightly. He was only 22 years old.

I started to stutter a bit. "Wh-What do you mean?"

Changkyun was quick to change the subject. "Don't worry about it. Just tell me what he did. Tell me what he did, so I can fall out of love with him. I know he wasn't a saint. He did something and he couldn't deal with the guilt. What did he do to Jihyun?" He was getting hysterical by the moment.

"Can I tell you face to face?" I asked. 

Changkyun sighed. "I suppose. I'm still at Jooheon's place. I haven't told him what's going on with me... C-Can you help me while you're here?" He asked. "I know you hate me. You're only being nice to me because Taehyung died. But I'm about to lose everything. Please?" 

I bit my lip thinking for a bit. "Okay," I said. "Let me get dressed and I'll be on the way. I'm only about fifteen minutes away." He agreed and we hung up. I sighed softly, going to write a note for Minhyuk. 

As I passed back through to the bedrooms, Jihyun began whimpering again. I walked in and stood by the door before saying anything. "Stop. Please. I want Kihyunnie," she cried. She was actually crying. I sat by her bedside, shaking her awake.

"Shh, sweetheart." Jihyun woke up and grabbed onto me. "You're okay, alright? It's okay..." I had no words for her and I absolutely hated myself for putting her in danger like I did. Hyungwon didn't know yet, neither did Wonho. They had to find out eventually. 

It took me only a few minutes to get her to go to sleep again. After I put her back to sleep, I went to Minhyuk and woke him up. "Hey," he mumbled. "What's going on?" 

I sighed softly. "Jihyun keeps waking up from nightmares. I need to go to Jooheon's for a bit. Then, you and I need to discuss putting Jihyun in therapy with Hyungwon and Wonho." I said.

"Are you fucking crazy?" Minhyuk asked. "They don't know and they'll rip our heads off."

I shook my head. "They won't do anything if it's not for the benefit of Jihyun. All that's left to do is get her help. The main issue died... Literally." I sighed, getting my keys and wallet. "Changkyun needs me, so I'll be back, okay?" Minhyuk rolled his eyes, probably assuming I wasn't taking this as seriously as I should have.

He scoffed as I left the room. "Leave it to me to fall in love with a murderer." I just shook my head.

I drove for a while before circling around to Jooheon's place. I knocked softly on the door to not disturb his neighbors. Changkyun opened the door and let me in. As soon as Jooheon saw me, he began asking me questions. "He's got a secret he's not telling me. I wanna know why the fuck he needs your help to tell me?" 

I took a deep breath. "Jooheon," Changkyun said. "Please, just listen..." I looked over at him and saw him physically shaking. He was having a panic attack and I didn't know what to do.

"Are you the one?" Jooheon asked. 

I cocked my head a bit. "What do you mean?" I asked.

Jooheon scoffed. "Are you the one fucking him? There's got to be a reason as to why you are telling me his secret and not him."

Changkyun shook his head, tears falling. "No! He fucking hates me!" He yelled.

"Then why the fuck is he here?" Jooheon yelled back.

I groaned, before getting heated myself. "Because he was screwing my boyfriend!" I took a deep breath, shocked at what just happened. I was supposed to help him and I felt like I made it worse.

Jooheon looked at him with the most hurt look in his eyes. "I didn't think I'd feel worse," he said. "Why him? Why, he has money?"

Changkyun shook his head, crying harder. "No..."

"Then what?" Jooheon asked. "What did you see in him that I didn't have?" He yelled.

Changkyun cut him off. "Goddamn it, love! I saw love! Instead of trying to fix me himself, he helped me get back on my feet. He didn't baby me! That's the love a broken person deserves." He screamed. "You don't get it. You act like you have gone through my struggle with me. You haven't. You truly haven't. You've tried to relate to me and... Taehyung did. He went through struggles too. He came from nothing." That's where I started to pay attention.

I sputtered out a mess of words. "What? I... He... What?"

Changkyun nodded. "You didn't know?" I shook my head. "Tae's dad was an abuser. He abused his mother. Ended up killing her. His dad abused him until he died when Tae was 17. And he always told him he'd be nothing. He was a straight A student, getting business scholarships everywhere. Everyone wanted him. When he was about to start his second year of college, he found out that his dad left millions in his will for him. So he never really understood why none of that money went to him and his mother growing up. But with that money, he started his multi-million dollar enterprise." Changkyun finished, sighing softly. "He would lash out at me too. But I was always the one to calm him down. He was mentally ill, but I didn't expect him to be suicidal." That's when Jooheon paid attention.

"He killed himself?" Jooheon asked.

I nodded. "Uh y-yeah..." I was feeling really uneasy. "He did yesterday," I said.

Changkyun sniffled. "He went through borderline personality disorder, mostly. Maybe bipolar disorder too... I'm not sure about you, but he often went into psychosis with me." My heart hurt. Taehyung wasn't evil, he was struggling. "Whenever he'd snap at me, he ask me why I killed his mom and why I hurt him. He'd think I was his dad. It'd take me ten minutes or more to get him back. But he'd refuse any treatment. And it got to the best of him."

I covered my ears and yelled. "Okay, enough!" Changkyun and Jooheon looked up at me. I turned to Changkyun. "Congratulations, he loved you more. Because I didn't know a goddamn thing like that." I took a deep breath. "And I know you love him, but let me tell you what you wanted to know." I was really about to do this. He was crushed enough and I was about to obliterate him. "He killed himself because he felt guilty about molesting my niece," I said. I saw Changkyun's heart shatter through his eyes. "I just downplayed it a bit for your sake. Because he did worse than just touch her and my skin crawls just think I let anyone in my life that could even be capable of doing that. So yeah, he was mentally ill. I get it. But that will not excuse the irreversible damage he's done to my niece, my goddaughter." I started walking out. "So, thank you for throwing him a little pity party, but fuck him. No fucking better for him. I really don't care that he's dead. He'll never hurt Jihyun, you or me ever again." With that, I slammed the door and walked to my car.

As I began to drive, anxiety rushed to my head. "Oh God," I mumbled. I pulled up to Minhyuk's house and ran inside.

Minhyuk was sitting on the couch, holding Jihyun. "Kihyun?" He asked. "What's wrong?"

I looked at him then glanced outside. "We have to leave." I said. "We have to go." Minhyuk sat up, anxiety coming to settle with him too.

"Why?" He asked.

My phone rang. A call from Hyungwon. I debated even answering it before I put it on speaker. "Riddle me why the actual fuck I just got a call from someone I don't even fucking know, telling me he thinks you're the cause of Kim Taehyung's death?"


End file.
